This post should have a couple of subtitles:
"QUITCHER BITCHIN" and "Sometimes... Real Life gets in the way...."
In regard to the second subtitle:
My job has me out of the house 13 hours, door to door, along with 90 mins prior to leaving the house.
This means...I get home, 7 to 7:30 a.m. depending on traffic (which one hears a lot, in LA...) and my alarm is set in the afternoon for 4:45... so, those hours in between is my ...time off. Wheeeee!
And, currently, this is a five night a week job That is NOT permanent...just temporary, until my company finds another body to fill an open slot.
What it means is....I'm not getting a lot of sleep, or nearly enough.
There are mornings I arrive home.... sleep walking through my chores... then I wake Her up,and She wants to talk to me.... etc.
We practice FLR-DD, with Her in charge of the household...often consulting with us, but She has final say..... and She applies Discipline to me, in the form of corporal punishment..., slightly more than once a day (based on November statistics).
However, these disciplinary sessions (DS) are by no means necessary in any sense of the word that I can find.
I can imagine that there exists such relationships where such discipline is applied when the HoH has an actual gripe, a reason, to apply it. I don't imagine in such relationships, that discipline is applied once or twice daily.
My point is, She applies discipline to me .. NOT for cause, not for some reason, not for behavior modification... but because She is a "class II sadist", one who acts on Her sadistic urges with consenting partners who willingly suffer pain and humiliation (that's...um...me, as if you didn't know).
We both enjoy it.
She enjoys watching me enjoying it. Mind you, I'm not laughing or giggling, as if I'm being tickled... oh hell no... quite often, it hurts so much, I'm gritting my teeth, biting my tongue, clutching the bed covers... but She knows, when all is said and done, and the impact play is done, that I enjoy the afterburn.
The day we got married, She told me, "From this day forward, you'll be getting Daily Beatings."
We've never put a label on ...what She gives me. No specific word, like Play, or Funishment, or ....
For a while, She called 'em "Daily Beating".... but I suggested changing the label to "Daily Discipline."
And it was my suggestion, I do believe, some time ago, to try to make 'em, twice a day, as in, when I get home from work, and when I get up, just prior to getting ready for work.
As noted elsewhere...in November, we managed 13 days with twice a day DS, but 8 days with no DS, and other days with 1 DS.
Which brings me back to my point about real life getting in the way.
These DS are not a necessary part of our day to day lives. We engage in them for mutual fun and pleasure.
Real life involves a bunch of other responsibilities... me, getting to work, and more, much more.
Because of my schedule, sleep ...and lack of sleep ...is an issue, a problem.
There are times when I feel lucky that I made it home, due to micro-sleeping on the way....and, or, am just ...just.... fkkng tired, sleep-deprived tired.
And so I'm just not into 'getting some', as it were.
There's been a time, when I knew that She had gotten to sleep, maybe an hour before I got home, and I could not wake Her up without taking extreme measures (and chose not to).
There have been times when She simply did not feel well, mostly due to certain medications She takes.
There have been times when She just wasn't 'into it'; rather than beating on me, Her choice for that morning was to simply have me cuddling with Her in bed.
All this and more...is just Life, getting in the way of what we would like to be doing.
It's been pointed out to me....that my tendency to gripe, when I'm not getting DS action .... whether morning or afternoon.... is annoying.
No, She didn't say anything just like that, but in the conversation we had, I've come to realize....it MUST BE annoying.
I must learn, I will learn, to quit my bitching.
I will learn to be content with what I get.
I will learn that, 'it' is always on Her terms, not mine.
I do not get to choose 'when' 'how' 'where' 'how much'.
(Sometimes She offers me choices, but still makes the final decision).
I know that She tries very hard to please me, in this respect, and so many others.
She has made many adjustments ...at my suggestions...in attempts to please me.
I will learn to accept that, graciously.
I will learn to be content with what I have (or get), and NOT gripe about what I don't have (or get).
In yesterday's post, I talked about Expectations....and Disappointment.
Well...I gotta learn.to ....deal with it.
Life has ups and downs.
Happiness..and disappointments.
I apologize for griping about it, all of it.
I will learn to just.... deal with it, whatever it is.
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