03.05 Diary

Got a bit busy in the morning, with phone calls for OOT work.  No big deal, but more than usual
Did not help that the customer service agent that was SUPPOSED to be in at 0500 arrived at 0545, and the day dispatcher, due in at 0530, arrived at 0550.
.... now it's 0730, waiting for 0930 to get here, ASAP....
0930 FINALLY showed on the clock, and I punched out, and went outside to wait for Her, and She arrived ten minutes at the most, later.
C =3  from midnight to this point.
And.... first we went to W's house, who is out of town for a while, and this was one of the two/three times a week trips She promised to make, to water the small garden, and get the mail in.
Then ...She was hungry.... and after a minor 'discussion' relating to me saying, "Go where you want, you're driving, I don't have a choice....'  we pulled into a Krispy Kreme, and partook of coffee and doughnuts.
Then PetSmart, to load up on cat food .... Home Depot, to verify what kind of screen door we have on order...  and CVS (rubbing alcohol... I asked Her to get it when She was out, Sunday or Monday, and She 'forgot'... this was Her, making up for it.)
Home, 1300 ish.   I took daily pills.....  She put newly acquired flea collars on the big dogs....and decided they each needed a bath.... ohh boy.  
Neither dog was very inclined, so it was a struggle, pulling/pushing each 70 lb dog into the bathtub.... spraying them down, lathering them up,  washing them off, then drying them off.  Not exactly what I had in mind, for when I got home.
Then I changed out of wet clothes....
Sat down in one of the easy chairs, glanced at some magazines, and napped..from like 3 to 6.
I remembered that Flf wanted pix of our animals, and I went about the house, taking pix of all that were in residence, so I got pix of every-animal except two of the cats, and I emailed them to FLF.
A couple minutes later, she sent a text asking if it was okay to call, and I text back, yes.
She called, and we talked for 15 to 20 minutes, until dinner was ready.
She made pork ribs baked in bbq sauce, cornbread, and rice with beans.
Delicious.
Afterwards, Stitch and I cleaned up the dishes and kitchen.
I then spent nearly half an hour with some screwed up version of constipation....
Then I went out to the hot tub, which I had activated, some hours early, and soaked for an hour, falling asleep twice, I think.
The second time, SHE woke me up,and I got up and out.
I went to the bathroom, and was on the toilet another half an hour.
Then I took a shower,   took a couple nighttime pills, and headed for bed.
Asleep by 23,30

H s L O  36 1/2
H s L S   36 1/2
H s L B   30 1/2
D UN       71
Time with The Dirty Slut   3

We are considering this a 'black out' day,  for underpunishment/CT   so
Days under punishment, CT  5
Days under punishment,  Public   12

Observation....one that I must pay more attention to, gather more data....

She says She wants to please me/help me be happy.   ( I would have said make me happy but NOBODY can make me happy , THAT must come from withing myself).

However, it seem that She is mostly or always (not sure, thus more data required) willing to please me, WHEN it meshes with... what She likes/what pleases Her, also.

I do puh-lenty of things for Her that do NOT please me or add to my happiness.  I won't go as far as to say that any one thing is absolutely distasteful, just saying that, given my own druthers, I wouldn't be doing 'em.
On the other side of the collar, it has been occurring to me, that She does (whatever) for me, when it meshes with something She likes doing, anyway.
Say, She asks me what I want for dinner.   Sounds like She is doing for me, because She is asking me, right?  And when I suggest one of the x-number of dishes that I know is in Her repertoire,  then all is good, and She says, "Okay."
But if I mention something OUTSIDE of the repertoire, or She doesn't want/like,  She counters with something that She wants, and I say, "Yeah, ok."
There's plenty more examples within our M/s relationship.
If I mention something that I want to try/do,  and it meshes with something She likes, wants to try Herself, we usually do it, pretty soon after I mention it.
But if it does NOT mesh with Her desires,  then She ignores me, or says, "We haven't had time"....

One time quite recently, She did say  (while in the shower, and I was standing outside of it),
 "This about what I want, remember?"
  (in reference to our M/s relationship....  and my only purpose is to serve Her and Her happiness...)

Yet, we both MUST know...   real life simply does not work that way.
This is not a castle on top of a hill, with me as a collared servant, doing only Her will.
We ARE married,  we ARE equal.... but I CHOOSE to give to Her, authority and dominion.
Yet,
 My happiness and contentment and desires count ....
and quite a bit.
I lived way too many years UNhappy, discontented, and desires locked in a closet for no one to see.
I decline to live that way, any more.