Maybe it's depression....
Maybe it's because I've been out of the anti-depressant that I was taking for some time, AND out of Chantix, for some time, and out of the anti-narcolepsy medication that I was taking for some time.
I've been tired ...sleepy...fatigued.... on and off, mostly on, for some time.
This week, dating back to last Saturday, I've worked:
Saturday night, to 6 am Sunday.
Sunday 5 pm to 630am Monday.
Monday 730 pm to 0630 Tuesday.
Tuesday 730 pm to 0900 Wednesday.
off most of Wednesday...
Thursday 115 pm to 1045 pm.
Friday off....whoo hoo.
Saturday 9 am. to 730 pm.
Sunday (tomorrow), scheduled to be back at 2pm...
Hell, yes, we REALLY need the money.
Just made the house payment, that was due on the 1st, on the 10th.
The stress of living this way is REALLY getting to me.
Stress alone has me on more than one recent occasion reaching for cigarettes.
That, and I don't have any Chantix in my system, which is supposed to block any enjoyment I derive from it.
And I fantasize about some different life.
Whether it's the life I USED to have.
Living by myself... doing what I want, when I want.
Maybe I was not getting the REAL action
But...I used to live vicariously, by doing it myself.
How many times lately have I been laying next to Her, while She was sleeping, feeling frustrated, fantasies running through my head...
And it felt just like.... years ago, when I slept next to my previous girl friend, and even would masturbate while she slept, my fantasies dancing through my head.
My life just doesn't feel like anything that I want.
Is this the depression talking to me, or the fatigue, or some combination thereof?
And it's what I thought. You've been "cold" and unresponsive, I worry and I keep my mouth shut because I'm afraid, Maybe we should talk.
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