July 22

As mentioned yesterday, due to Her list of appointments for the week, we will not be together again until Thursday, so this edition will not be much of a diary of the my experiences, as a slave, with Her.

Basically, I spent the day catching up on my sleep,  after work, in the morning, up until it was time to get up and go to work.

So, seems like a good time to try consider some thoughts, feelings, emotions.

Especially in view of ... the ENGAGEMENT!     OMG!

And what all we have to consider:
  She still has a number of friends and acquaintances who think that She is still married to Her SO, as She did not reveal their divorce.  I won't elaborate here on the reasons for the divorce, although I know and understand them.   Just saying, there's many people in Her circle who think She is still married to the SO,  and for them,  when She and I are together and around those people,  I am Her caregiver,  hired by the SO, to be Her attendant.
  My parents, and anybody I choose to tell at work, and my friends (honestly I have ONE, that I even talk to, outside of work) will know Her by Her name, and know this is a real marriage, but won't know (unless they figure it out..doubtful) about our M/s relationship.
  Our friends in the kink community will know the whole story, or most of it.  Most of them know Her by Her kink-name; a select few know Her real name.  Beyond that, they will know we are married, and also know that I am formally collared (not yet, will be)... some may attend a formal ceremony, if we have one.

We have to work out living arrangements.
We have looked at a house in a Beach city.  There would be one bedroom for each of the males (me, the SO, Her  son) and as we've come to call Her, the floating female.  It's close enough to work, that the SO can bike to work (he does not drive). although it would make my drive to work, 25 miles each way...sigh... well, at least on my current schedule, it's not 'rush hour'.
It has a swimming pool, which I have no use for, since I have memories that equate swimming with sunburn.
But maybe, an after-sundown swim wouldn't be so bad.
A large fenced front yard; I wouldn't have to walk Cookie.  A large garage, with two small rooms built into the back.  I see possibilities there.
Still, the financials on this are enormous, with much to be discussed.

She has told me repeatedly that She is "EXPENSIVE", and that does not mean, She has to have diamonds, furs, and caviar, but rather, refers to the enormity of Her ongoing medical care.
SO...I have to check with my insurance, to see what is (and is not) covered.
She has mentioned that once married, She will lose her SSI.  My income will more than make up for that.
But would it be better to not marry, and then She'd have still have Her SSI, and mine too?

Where and when to marry?
The only people we're sure that would want to attend are my parents, and we think it would be mighty awkward if my parents chose to come out HERE for it, so we've all but decided for sure, to do it where they are, in Mississippi.
That would require checking into local requirements for getting a wedding license.
Which I've already done, and seems pretty simple.
So, when?
Still to be decided.  My feeling is, we need to settle our living arrangements first.

What else?
I'm still locked in a chastity device, have been since about noon on Thursday.
We both know that I can pick the lock on these small padlocks in about five seconds.
If She was all that worried about it, She would insist I acquire the plastic numbered security locks that can only be opened by breaking 'em.
So, it's a chastity device with an honor system, a symbol that the penis attached to me belongs to Her, to be let loose when it pleases Her to do so.
Going back to last October, I wanted, yearned for, control of my chronic masturbation.
Yet, this sometimes annoys me.  More so, when we are together.
Being locked up when we are apart, I understand, it makes sense.
But She kept me locked up,  our whole time together... Thursday... Friday... Saturday... Sunday,  and I' have significant mixed emotions.  Still trying to deal with 'em.

Where I really get confused is the personality switches.
Sometimes, I'm dealing with Mistress (M). Othertimes, I'm dealing with my beloved, now fiance (J).  And sometimes I'm dealing with Her Little, a little girl (S). 
So, there are times we have been chatting, mostly like in text messages, sometimes live chat, and I'll feel like I'm talking to J, and say something casual, and She SNAPS... 
For example, during one casual exchange of messages, in closing, I wrote "Later!..."
and She wrote, "That is what you say to a buddy, NOT YOUR MISTRESS..."
...sigh...
Like, how the fuck am I supposed to know?

Things were simpler when we were just Mistress/slave.
I knew my position, all the time.
Now, I'm often... guessing.
Do I WANT to go back to ...just that?
Fuck, no.

Tuesday, coming up.  I've done most of my homework for my final class of the current series, Tuesday night.
What's left is maybe, 20 minutes of reading.
I still have weekly reading from "the Science of Mind" 
I've got one HELL of a lot of paperwork and crap to get done at home. 
I've got 21 hours of tv shows on my DVR,  that I need to decide how much I really care about.
I NEED to figure out what I'm doing about animal care for our trip, departing Aug 9.

She mentioned to me a new weekly plan, that She has started discussion with Her SO. (henceforth to be called 'R').  
I come to Her on Thursday morning, after I get off work, and take care of animals at home, and pack somewhat,  spend the night, then Friday, presumable after She or we have gotten R home from work, She and I return to my place...  and spend the night, then I get Her back home, sometime Saturday / night.
Which leaves me free to get to church on Sunday, and have the afternoon free for errands or other, before going to work.
Which looks pretty good on paper, assuming I can bring my dog with me on Thursday, as I can't leave her alone and unwalked all that time.  I'm not thrilled about taking her with me, or leaving her at home.

I posted on my profile on the other site we use,  that I am maybe going to a CBT/Chastity class on Thursday night at one local dungeon and on Friday night,  there's a Pegging class... followed by a Femme Fatale party at another dungeon.  Now I'm waiting to hear if She has any interest in any of them.

Scorecard as of midnight
Cigarettes    9
Since last O :  126 hrs
In chastity  108 hrs