Because the regular Monday guy is on vacation, this guy was covering. This guy works the overnight shifts that I do not work, so I don't see him much, for which I am very thankful.
He really rubs me the wrong way.
I was in a relaxed mood before he arrived, but an hour with him had me on edge again.
Out, 0630.
I'd been thinking all night, and I was still thinking and musing and pondering, on the way home.
I considered it, quite possible that She would be of a mind to do something about my outburst, the previous day.
And I knew, I was in NO mood.
When I write about mood, MY mood, I refer to both my physical state, as in how awake or tired I am, and in this case, my emotional state... which currently was, still...like yesterday, shut down and depressed.
I also considered, with Stitch home for the holiday, maybe She would not be of a mind to, um, go nuts.
And one other little thing kept rattling about in my mind...
the building desire to renounce this whole lifestyle.
..to be part of a run-of-the-mill vanilla married couple (or threesome)(or foursome), with all the usual ups and downs and happy moments and sad moments that go with them...
..and to take all the FLR-DD or M/s or BDSM trappings and protocols and rules, and pitch them into a back room of the garage.
And into the dark closet of my mind, where I store all my fantasies.
I continued to ask myself, "Is this working for me?"
My outburst on Sunday... was that the real Me, or was that a volcanic eruption of stuff that's been building up inside me?
Sometime ago, I unlocked my mental closet of fantasies, and took out the book in which I record them all.
I've gotten to experience some of them.
I've even been allowed to live in a 24/7 lifestyle some of them.
Which leaves me wondering, should I be content with what I have and what I get,
even though I feel the constant yearning for more,
or should I pitch what I have, be happy with the experiences I did get to have, and put it all back in the closet, and leave it all in the fantasy in my mind's eye?
Is it nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them?
I am torn, ripped apart.
I am self-aware enough to know that I am depressed right now, and that I should not be making any major or life-altering decisions... but this is just the way I feel right now.
Home 0715.
Stitch was up and about, in the kitchen.
I fed the cats, scooped the litter box, and was looking for a statement that She and I had discussed the night before, when She called, on my cell phone.
"Stitch told me you were home, you were supposed to come see me when you got home."
"I'm looking for that statement."
"Oh, okay..."
After a few minutes, I found it.
And half undressed, and went into Her room.
She invited me into bed, and I got in, next to Her.
We talked a bit.
"I can give you a medium spanking, if you like..."
"Um, no."
We continued laying there, until I said, "I need to get up and eat and go to bed."
She released me, and I got up.
..made dinner, ate while reading the newpaper, and in my room, in bed, 0900.
Awake around noon, up to pee, and have milk and cookies.
She was still home, at Her computer. She and Stitch were going out, sooner or later.
I went back to bed.
Awake around four, needing to pee again, but continued laying there.
She and Stitch returned, around 5, and She came into my room, and lay down next to me, quietly, until about 1740, and we (even) argued about that.
"I just want to lie down next to you a bit."
"Don't wake me up early, my alarm is set for about 6."
"I'm just lying down next to you..."
"I'm just saying, don't wake me up before my alarm."
"I'm not waking you up, I'm just lying down..."
"I'm just saying, don't wake me up, later on..."
"I just want to lie down next to you..."
Eventually we sorted it out.
She got up, 1740.
My alarm went off, 1755, and I got up, 1803
Toilet...shower...dress... made coffee, said good bye, and
in my car 1845.
Nothing like a holiday...at work 1918 or so.
Easy night... helping my co-worker some, with set up for tomorrow, but no major challenges...
Until 0300, when the phone calls would not stop, for 30 minutes.
HsLS 159
HsLO 336
HsLD 85
H un 395
Her DO No
Did I offer? No
from One's Woman's Tips to Make Him a Submissive Male
A nude beach can also be fun. He will be naked, of course, and you should be in your swim suit to emphasize his submissiveness. Remember, he is shaved, so anyone who sees the two of you walking together knows who is in charge. How embarrassing would an erection make this? The object hee is to be seen by as many as possible, so walk, don't just sit in the sun. Well, you CAN sit on the beach and enjoy the sun, but not until everyone has seen him naked.
She is never wrong.
from Scriptures Pertinent to Discipline
Proverbs 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you punish with a rod, he will not die.
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