AUG 14 Another mono slave offers advice

Shilo (and M.....Shilo, please share this with her), my heart hurts for the challenges you two are taking on so quickly.

While you two may not agree with everything, I hope it gives you some insight and perspectives to discuss.

Master and I have been together almost 2 years and I am just now really coming to accept the reality of serving and loving a poly master. It has been emotional quicksand and instead of relaxing so I didn't sink, I fought it, I fought to try and understand why I wasn't enough, I fought to understand why "you are my world" didn't mean he wouldn't need and love another.

Shilo, she won't understand the mono wiring, or why we feel llke not enough, why we need to feel more than or better than. And likely, she will get frustrated that it is going to be an ongoing issue...like forever.

M:  there is no fixing. Mono triggers can be softened so they don't hit so hard, but it takes lots of time and repetition and consistency. But they are always going to be there.

Being mono is as much an orientation as being gay or straight.

Master can tell me as many times as he wants to that I am perfect for him, but I have to accept and absorb it. Tolerating and handling are short term solutions and long term it takes acceptance.

M, you have to accept that this part of you is always going to cause him some pain. You have to accept that without guilt.

Shilo, you have to accept that part of her and learn to find joy in her happiness, even when it isn't with you. I see Master looking at Vee with all the love he looks at me with and yet there is never less for me. It took time to see that and time to see that I lose nothing because he loves her too.

And his patience! The zillions of times he held me as I felt inadequate because I wasn't enough. The repetition of the fact that his love for me was not diminished or changed by loving her. His patience awes me.

No amount of time with him is ever enough. No amount of time lessens that first gasp of "he loves her too." That is all work we have done to build the foundation of our relationship. I still lose my shit. And he still holds me and reassures me that nothing has changed.

You two have a long journey and it's not going to be easy or fun at times. Be gentle with each other. Honestly, this is not something protocols will fix. This is plain hard work and effort on both sides, even when you just want to say "fuck it" and walk away.