"Either you get it, or you don't"

Such a true phrase for those in, or not in, this.... community of BDSM.

I got to thinking about this, after this visit to my parents.

And the marks on my body.

I tend to walk from bedroom to bathroom with a minimum of clothing,  but I did take care to cover up while there.
If Mom was to see these,.... oh wow.
Not sure if ANY amount of explaining would help her understand
Meanwhile, J tried dropping hints....  one time, She said, "Give him a spanking?  I brought a paddle..."
and Mom just shook her head, "Oh no....

So...just try to explain this to her.... or to anyone that doesn't already 'get it' ...  that..... I like it ... 

So, you ENJOY the pain? I am asked.
No.
Look at the expression on my face, or the way I move or wiggle, or listen to my breathing.
In the exact moment, no, I'm not enjoying it.

I enjoy the afterburn..... the heat in my buttocks, or the stinging rising from the cane marks or other bruises on my thighs,  the tingling when sitting down.....
I enjoy the submission....  of giving in, of freely exposing myself and my body for physical punishment.

I enjoy the subspace... a term I thought I came up with by myself some months ago, until I started researching it on Fet...   I've been there a couple times, from times at dungeons when She beat me for prolonged period of time, that I was able to go into subspace.
Prior to subspace, I believe there's a fork in the 'road'.
There comes a point when one just might be reaching one's 'limit'.
When I've been pushed that far, I've gone into subspace rather than approaching my limit.
With a different kind of pushing, I might reach the point of ...crying.
I anticipate this being a fantastic and cathartic release...I just haven't gotten there yet.
I think it would require a sustained pain that just continues.
My bottom simply goes numb pretty quickly, so ...not there.
What seems to hurt consistently.... never going numb...  is beating to my thighs....  although really hard smacks create angry red bruises...like I have now...   so maybe it would require a sustained beating all around my thighs....    along with bites in appropriate places, and nipple tweaking...to send me over that edge.