"I prefer it on"

I believe that, when M sees this, She will laugh...then cry (in exasperation) .then laugh ...then cry (in aggravation).

We've had more than a few discussions about this.

Well,  "discussion" implies two or more people talking, I suppose....and the discussions we've usually had on this involved Her saying something about it,   and me then, shutting down.

To set the wayback machine on this..... we had discussed, from the very early part of our D/s relationship, that 'chastity' was a fetish of mutual interest, specifically Her, locking me up and holding the key
However, in the early part of our relationship, my only recourse of the time for sexual relief was via masturbation, and I was 'happy',if that's the right word, to be locked up, in order to curtail ...or stop...my masturbation, which really did occupy too much of my spare time.

We began having sex on July 2nd....
And on July 8th, we were talking on the phone...and She said, "I haven't forgotten about chastity, I will be locking you up, soon."

Well....uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

Oh, I was upset..    We had ...just....started having sex, WHY would She want to 'lock me up' NOW....  and WHEN is She going to start....and for HOW long?

Eventually, my feelings on that got kinda sorta figured out.

Hey, during the month of March,  I let a male top lock me in chastity,  that began on about March 1, and he told me, the release would be sometime during March at his discretion....     Our last get together was March 8th.... and after that....he forgot about me....I never heard another word from him...and I've been 'scarred' by that, thinking I'm going to be forgotten about, again.

Anyway, She and I have used chastity... off and on, since She first ordered me locked up on July 11, prior to Her leaving on a trip to PA.

I've noted one period in late July/early August of about 30 days, when I was constantly in n out of chastity,  with a few periods of 5 consecutive days interspersed with some outs then back ins.

Then... from mid August, we took a long break from it, until mid October.
October, I was locked up, about six days.
As of Nov 24th, I've been locked up about 10 1/2 days (in November)...which includes...right now, as I write this.

And how do I feel about it?

I know, She likes seeing it on me,  and Her just knowing that She has control.
So, I like that She likes it.

I really do enjoy intercourse...with Her...   and She will quickly say (well, She says it to me) that She enjoys it with me.
But I do have an issue with cumming during intercourse.   Near as I can figure out, and She agrees with me, I'm so used to the kind of stimulation I got from years of masturbation,  that I need time to readjust to the stimulation I get from intercourse, before I can cum from it on a regular and frequent basis.
So,  having periods in between intercourse...(with sessions of tease n denial) should be good for me in that respect.

Admittedly, I got a bit cranky  ...well...  angry, some five days ago,  when She told me, I was going to stay locked up, as I was at the time,  for  a longer period than any period that She has kept me locked up previously.
  It was in reference to this new device that I had bought online, and arrived the day before,  and She immediately....(well, when I got up from my days' sleep) had me put on.
She was saying that I need to learn "fiscal responsibility" and that I need to consult with Her before I got spending discretionary money of this nature.
 AND.... it felt like.... punishment.
Punishment should be given for breaking a rule.
And I felt like I was being punished for breaking a rule...that did not yet exist.
What happened later has been documented elsewhere.
Clearly, I have VERY strong feelings about what I consider unjustified punishment.
IF She has said, "You bought this without asking permission, you can wear it for awhile...", I would have accepted it, gratefully.
IF She had said, "You need to learn discipline about spending without permission, this is a good start...", I would have accepted it, gratefully.
IF She had said, "This is a unique device, and it will amuse me to keep you locked up in it for awhile," I would have accepted it, gratefully.
However, nothing was said, and it felt like... punishment,  unjustified.
 I managed to resolve that, in my head, later,  but I wound up smoking some cigarettes to do that,  which resulted in a whole 'nother meshugash.

 And I'm STILL trying to figure out how I feel about being locked up.

I'm ...probably better off, being locked up.
The urge to masturbate is sometimes strong. 
(On my birthday, no less, I jerked off, while She was laying, sleeping, naked, next to me.)

Maybe, it would be 'good for me' to be locked up, anytime  that we are not actively 'using it'.
That means, for when I go to work, when I go to sleep....
Maybe not when we go out together,  but that would be at Her discretion. 
If She would enjoy having me locked up and on display at some play party, well, then, okay.

So it seems.... if I bitch about it...and I do, I'm sure I do bitch about being locked up,  it's only because ...it's expected of me.
What real man 'likes it' ?

And, now I'm curious about HER enjoyment.
Does She like it more, if I like it LESS?
If I gripe about it, does She like it that much more,
Or does She like it because I like it?

Whatever the case...  here's my resolve:
To shut up about it.
Whatever She has to say about it, I will accede to,  willingly, contentedly.

A new document of Rules and Agreements is being formulated for us, and some aspects of chastity will be clarified within that, and THAT will rest my mind at ease about some things I have worried about.