I just wanna cry...

But, it's just not happening.
It's been a subject of discussion between Her and me, for some time now.
   (getting me to cry...  during play, during Discipline, while talking.... anytime...)

Physical pain does NOT elicit tears from me...or much of any noise, really.

Stub my toe, bump my head, bang my hip...don't matter, I rarely do much more than 'grunt'.

Nor do I make much, if any, noise during Discipline sessions  (aka beatings).

For me. physical pain will not .... well,  probably will not   cause my tears to flow.
I have not been tested to the highest limit of my pain threshold,  or with every possible type of pain there is, thus my back peddling on that....

 When I have shed tears, they come from emotional pain,  but it doesn't happen very often.

As She has written on Her blog,  I am <my words here:> "emotionally constipated", especially when dealing with sorrow or sadness.
Most often, for me, such feelings are .... blocked, channeled elsewhere, ignored, pushed away,  sealed in some inner vault.

I've really cried.... in sorrow.... twice,  in recent memory, such as in the past twenty years? (because I can't rightly remember any before that.... ) 
...Seven years ago:   When my Sweet Baby Angel (a platinum blonde female long hair chihuahua) passed away at the emergency room of an animal hospital,   at a time when I could not be there with her....
 ...Two years ago,  When my roommate-at-the-time and I took my big boy Rocky (platinum blonde male long hair chihuahua) in  to put him out of his pain, that was due to the glaucoma and blindness in his eyes.

In fact, if I dwell on those memories for very long, tears will flow.

She wrote in Her blog that ... in view of some BIG problems we were having....compounded by my inability to empathize with Her emotional pain.... it all may well have spelled "the end" for some relationships, but ours was and is held together by (among other things) Her promise to never give up, to always find a way to work things out. 

I am left with the task of .... understanding that it is okay to FEEL ... anguish, sorrow, sadness...   that it is okay to express those feelings.

I just want, I just need,  to figure out  HOW.