7.07 Journal

Using the Journal to write about my thoughts and feelings, rather than just giving a play by play of the days' events

So, we 'played' together at the Campout/Party, in the wee hours of July 6.

By playing together, I mean... shared a FUNishment session, with me straddling a spanking bench, and Her whacking my bottom with whatever suits Her fancy.

For me, painful as hell?  Yep.
The glowing feeling afterwards, kinda pleasant?  Yep.

So, what's the matter with me? Why have I been avoiding these sessions, at home or at previous parties?

Well,
 I've had a share of party and Funishment experience.
 And a bit of PUNishment experience.

I prefer the PUNishment.

Maybe, it's "all in my head"  but  ..   there's now seems to be so much difference between
.... Her, whacking my bottom because it's FUN for Her, and FUN for me ....    and
.....Her, whacking my bottom as Punishment or Discipline... whether 'real' or in roleplay

The difference in my emotional state during one or the other, is huge.

One aspect:
  Funishment is ... like a game, that I willingly, happily, partake of.  Like, "You wanna play some chess?"  "Sure."  "You wanna get a spanking?"  "Sure."
  Punishment is...  no choice, really, other than via out-and-out defiance.
    "You have disappointed me with your action/inaction, and now you're getting a spanking."  Followed by submission,  my submission, to it,  whether or not I want to play the game.
 Or Discipline.  "Your attitude has been sulky and sucky, lately.  I'm going to give you a spanking, just to remind you who's boss here."  "Y..yes, my wife."

There's a huge difference in my head space,  between getting a spanking,  for playtime, and submitting to a spanking, because I have to.