Just some ....stuff ... that came up this weekend that needs further review....
1. She told me to lock myself up...which I kinda enjoy....if She would be more involved. There's much to be said for the image of the Domme putting the final touches on the lock.
It did the job...and by that, I mean, She stated a desire to have me refrain from masturbation.
I did. I had to. There was a time or two I wanted to. No bueno.
I did become increasingly annoyed that She all but... ignored me, the whole time.
Isn't half ..or more... of the fun of being locked up (locking someone up)... to tease them unmercifully in a sexual fashion, to drive them bonkers when they can't get a release?
She just ignored me.
Up until very early Sunday morning...home from the party.... when the device came off, I got erect ...fairly quickly...and even came during intercourse.
The device is not on right now.... I'm certainly nothing thinking about tugging one off while I'm at work....
and my um junk still has a bit of an angry red hue on it. We shall see.
2. I told Her that I am apprehensive and nervous, going to parties with Her.
I really feel that, each and every time we play at parties.... She starts showing off, in a way that says, "Hey everybody look how hard I hit him and he doesn't say a word...."
And I feel like I'm ... taking a test... for which I am ill-prepared.
She needs to reassure me that She has no intention to play that hard.
3. The difference between play and punishment....
There's still something primal for me.... the difference for engaging in spanking just for the fuck of it, and for there being a reason, making it punishment ... of some sort.
Even if we're at a dungeon party, I think it would help my mindset, to ..get into some kinda roleplay that suggests whatever we do is discipline and punishment, not FFTFOI. (funishment, for the fuck of it).
4. Her new boi toi came over on Sunday, after I left for work.
Interesting timing, no?
And She called me on the phone, at like 1 a.m. to tell me that She gave him blanket permission to give Her pussy worship (and added 'blanket permission' to Her fetish list on FL) AND She gave him a golden shower... AND She took a regular shower, with him.
So much for that being MY thing with Her (the regular showers, together)
Well...
What the fuck, anyway. If I'm not home, what the hell do I care what's going on there?
I'm glad you wrote this here. It gives me the opportunity to discuss it without feeling pressured, and I can explain without interruption.
ReplyDeleteReady?
1. Noted. More tease and denial, especially when we are home together.
2. I will do my best to not be defensive and will work hard to reassure you. Still sad about my Saturday night/Sunday morning plans for you getting ruined.
3. Noted.
4. I want to giggle about "boi toi" but I know you're serious. Yes, he's 45, but hardly a boy. Okay, I like him. He's sweet and nice, and I want to get to know him better.
I told you about inviting him over beforehand. Believe it or not, you can be quite intimidating, especially when people don't know you. I knew he had stuff to do in the morning, so I suggested 3:30. If you want to get to know him better, I'm sure he will be glad to do so.
About the pussy worship: We were sitting in the pool on the steps, and I asked him about his other BDSM interests, and he mentioned pussy worship. I told him that I don't believe in ordering someone to do that in a public setting, and I most certainly would not do it in private (you already know the reason why) so I gave him blanket permission to ask/initiate it in a dungeon setting only. He also mentioned golden showers as something he enjoys, and since I can pretty much pee on command/demand I offered to give him one. Honestly, I didn't realize it would upset you.
As for the regular shower, It saved me time and water to be in the shower with him. I didn't even touch his naked body at all. I'm way too shy/awkward to do so in private, (playing devil's advocate) Besides, if anyone should be upset about the showering, it should be Stitch. He was first. (back to me) I had no idea how important it is to you, and I will discuss such things beforehand if possible from now on. You didn't seem upset when I showered with Sherman two weeks ago, so I had no clue it would matter with mike.
This (rules about subs visiting/seeing me, mike in particular) is definitely something that we should discuss in detail. I worried so much about following the rules his mistress has that I completely neglected to establish boundaries on my behavior with him to keep you feeling safe and comfortable.
Also, final sentence: You should know about what is going on at home while you are gone. That's why I tell you.