11-15-20 (edit, should be 11-13-20)
Three days after my birthday. That doesn't bother me, much. (That I'm getting old-er).
What bothers me is the lack of fun.
Yeah, we've been self-quaranting since March... Going out to a sit-down restaurant has not been an option, even if I was willing, which I'm often not, cuz I'm afraid of pooping my pants... Or going to a movie, but so few have been released during the pandemic...
But, I mean fun between Merry and me.
Due to my lack of testosterone, I think it's the reason, we haven't had an attempt at sex in over two years... I can't get an erection.. and our other fun, spanking... Not since Dec 2019.
I've begun to wake up a little bit... Taking interest in Tumblr and spankingtube and Fetlife... Occasionally getting semi hard, enough to masturbate... Fantasizing about being spanked.
Even got my doc to write a script for sildenafil. Tried it once, 25 mg. Nothin'
Later, Merry found an article, showed me, stating that it doesn't happen on its own, I need to stimulate it, also. Okay, I'll do that, when I feel better.
And I told M I wanted a birthday spanking. Not while Stitch was here. Not that I mind, but it's been too long.
So, Wednesday, she had to drive out to MV to take rx to Babyman. We thought we might do it when she got back, but my gut was "off" and I told her by text, no rush getting back, the event wasn't happening.
Thursday.. I went with her to take Stitch to work, then went for x-rays for me, then AAA, then Walmart for shopping and a flu shot, then to Eve's to drop groceries and we were exhausted when we got home.
Friday, she took S to work, came home and took a shower, took an Ativan, and we went to her dental appointment.
Then we went across the street to Smart n Final, and from there I was with Sunshine, the rest of the evening.
Tomorrow? Dunno. Besides getting Stitch to work, she needs to go to Ksr to get Eve's prescriptions, and take them to her... And there's college football. No games I'm jazzed about, but it's an excuse, right?
Meanwhile, I read on Twitter about guys and their FLRs and their endless days in chastity, and I'm jealous.. of what I used to have, and didn't appreciate.
Chastity does not make much sense for a guy who can't get it up anyway: reading about it just makes me think about what I'm missing.
Yet, I fantasize...
About being spanked (usually young man-older woman)
Being kept in chastity by a Dom Wife...
And it depresses me as I convince myself... My time has passed.
This is a lot.
ReplyDeleteYou've been through so very much, and sometimes I think that you've forgotten just what a miracle it is that you're even able to do things on your own.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I want you, but I want you on your own timetable. I'm your wife, and I don't expect overnight miracles with you. All I ask is that you continue to be honest with me about your feelings, and you TELL ME what you need. I Love you so very much, and I hope you don't give up or allow yourself to be discouraged.