May 30th Tuesday Diary

up couple times for Alka/s
Stomach REALLY upset, slept through the day
Woke up one time with J close on my right side, and a big dog and small cat, close on my left side.
Started getting texts in a group message, that Denny was with his wife in hospital, her having tests done, and he wasn't going to be at work, with Thing2 replacing him.

UP 1715.
Toilet, showered, dressed, packed lunch
Talked to J about a party for a friend in San Diego on Saturday...
Downstairs,  in car 18:08
At work 19:14
In 19:27   
 Quiet enough night. I had to straighten out the morning, and do pm set up for the next day.
Still watched West Wing 7:13
Out fer lunch 23:57.

May 29th Monday diary

Mostly awake  all night 
Up for alka/s around 0400
At 6:30, reset my 0700 alarm to 7:45

7:45 up, toilet, showered dressed
Packed 'lunch' 
Kissed J good bye
car 8;21
Office 901 
My ecig filter was done, and could not find the 2nd I'm sure I had
so back to Arco for another pack,
then return to parking lot, and into the office

9:19 --  14:26
Then as things really got quiet
Watched West Wing 7:8-12
Worked 14:56 to 19:47

Car 19:58 and home 20:41
Watched Lucifer finale  
Dinner  bbq chickn n wild rice
And found 'The Gambler'  o/d  and watched it
Bed 00:00

May 28th Sunday diary

UP  x   x   x
12:00 up, to lay on couch.
Stomach really 'off'
J & S out to markets...
Upright 17:55
cleared coffee table
Sorted paperwork and 'important' papers
Watched Fargo 3:6
Read 2 Sunday papers
Watched Veep twice
J & S home to drop perishables, and out again.

Dinner,   chicken n rice n chips
Watched 2 eps of Kevin can Wait
  and 2 eps  of Life in Pieces

Bed 23:00

MAY 27th Saturday Diary

UP  02:00, 05:00, 08:00
11:00
 Coffee
 Last 1/2 of  "Deadpool"
 Last 1/2 of "Terminator"
Went through TV Guide
1410  all of us dressing
Car 14:35  
In Santa Monica, at party 15:25

Left party  16:55  
Stopped for some gase 1.9 gal
Home 17:55  for us to pee, let Stitch stay here
Out with Sunshine
More gas, 10 gal.
99C store, SH
home 19:15
Up stairs   &
Checked out dryer vent
Hung pix and clock on various walls
Online, changed address for S.I.
Sat down to watch  4 eps of Lucifer.

Bed 00:00

MAY 26TH FRIDAY DIARY

On the clock  0030 to 0611
Watched TWW 7:1--7
With Thing 2 here, slipped out to Mcd's for french fries and an ice coffee
Out 6:23
Home 7:08
Fed animals
MDM  pot roast
Watched TRMS-TH
Bed 0900
up....
Up 17:20 
Took pill, napped more on couch
Up 20:00
dinner:  homemade GF pizza
watched "Transformers Age of Extinction"
Bed 00:00 

MAY 25TH THURSDAY Diary

Worked  00:27 to 05:52
Watched The WW 6:15--22
Samuel, in at  0400, Miguel in at 5:15 so I bailed early
Car 5:49,  home 6:29
Fed animals
MDM   two burritos from Taco Bell last night, and quesadillas
watched TRMS-W
Bed, 0800
UP 11:00, 13:00

UP 17:10
Toilet   
showered dressed
Took pill;  packed lunch
Kissed J good bye
In car with much trepidation of night ahead  17:58
Arrived 89 minutes later, 7:27

BUSY but not out of control.  Things 1 and 2 at work, we 'got it done'
Worked 19:37 -- 23:59
Filter 3:4

May 24th, Wednesday Diary

Worked  00:28  05:57
Watched The West Wing  6: 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, started 15

Car 6:08  
Home 7:00

Fed the animals.
MDM  last of the chili, and tortillas
Watched TRMS-Tuesday
Read Tuesday's paper.
Bed 08:00
UP .....?

Up 17:20
Pill, alka/s   showered dressed
Packed up, toilet..
Kissed J good bye

Car 18:05
Work 19:24

Worked 1935 to 2357
Denny bought dinner at Taco Bell.

MAY 23, DIARY TUESDAY

Worked 00:27 to 06:00
Just a screwed up morning
Watched The West Wing  6:6 , 7, 8, started 9
Car 6:14
Home 7:15
Fed animals
MDM bbq pork n chips
Watched TRMS-Monday, fell asleep on couch 20 minutes into it.

To bed....
UP  ? ? 2, 3,   alka/s
UP 17:20
Toilet, showered, dressed
Packed
Kissed J good bye
In car, rolling 18:03
At work 19:25
In 1927   to 23:58
Denny went to McD's and bought dinner for us.
After turning down one offer from  C/E, he received a significantly higher offer over the weekend, and apparently had some thinking to do.
He had spoken to our VP of Personnel on Monday, and today, to our CEO...  
And told me, he made up his mind, in the elevator coming up after having gone to McDs   to stay here, mostly because of the insurance situation and his wife's possible upcoming surgery.
Another nutsy evening what with adds and changes...

May 22, Monday diary

Finished "Jurassic World".
Bed 01:00
Up many times to pee
To couch 10:00
Repairman for water heater here 1045 to 1145
And I cancelled Gas Co service call.
Played with pens.
Snacked on tortillas.
Nap 1300 to 16:15
Up, showered, dressed, 
while J went out to get gas for car.
Packed 
Kissed J good bye
Car 18:05
Work 7:11
In 19:27
Started filter 1 of 4

Just a fucked up night.
Asaps, early add ons....  
Denny bought us 'dinner' from Taco Bell.
ON 1927 to 2357 

May 21 Sunday Diary

4:00 moved to lay on couch, for comfort
UP 09:20
we discovered the pilot was out on the water heater. I tried to relight it, could not
J took a cold shower.
Three of us dressed, out 10:22
Arrived at Edwards 26 10:45
Watched "Guardians of the Galaxy 2" from 11:39 to 13:55
From there, to Denny's for late lunch.
Then to 7-11 across the street, for 2 e filters
Home 15:50
I called Gas Co, set up an appointment for next day for serviceman to relight pilot
ANd called Owner, who told me to call Manager, who said, he would send out service man the next day.
Took a nap on couch.
J and S went shopping.
Up 18:50
Tried water heater pilot again, but no go
Paid bills on line
Started on sunday's paper
J & S returned home.
With another pack of e-cig filters for me, amonth othre things
Rob and I watched "10 Cloverfield Lane"   then the "Elementary" finale.
Rob went to bed, I watched "Veep".
I started on the last half of "Jurassic World" .....

MAY 20 SATURDAY DIARY

Up to pee  00:30, 345, 410
Toilet, shower, dress, toilet again pack
Kissed J goodbye
Car 4:56  
Office 5:36
On 5:52 to 10:22
Lunch
In 11:00 to 14:42
Miserable day,  thanks to asap orders for the U-2 concert
Toilet
Filter 2 of 2
car 2:51 home 4:13
Sat down for a bit
Three of us to Sizzler 17;15
Home 18:45
Watched two eps of the Big Bang Theory
Bed 20:00

may 19th Friday Diary

Up to pee  00:45  02:15 04:30
UP 6:15 
Car to take R to work 6:27
Dropped him 6:44
Home 7:04
fed animals
Nap on couch.
Then up when J made coffee.
Dressed, car 10;51  
 to  banks (withdrawal, then deposit) and 7-11 for e-cig refills 
HOme 11:30
On line banking, 
Read Thursday paper.
set up DVR
Changed notebooks again....
Watched two eps of Scorpion
J went to get S (then doctor, then market)
Took a nap on couch
UP 1730
Watched TWW 6:3, 4, started 5 on my notebook
watched TRMS - Friday
Dinner bbq pork and rice
Started filter 1 of 2
Bed 21:30

May 18th thursday diary

Worked  00:29 to 06:02
LAPD had the 101 nb at Santa Monica blocked at 4:30 a.m.  I had two chauffeurs coming to base, and one dispatch, stuck behind it.
I spent the morning juggling rides.
Watched The west wing   5:17 to 22, then 6:1
Car  6:09
Stopped for gas  10.3 gal
Home 7:15
Took S to work.
Completely forgot he was supposed to be there at 7, but there was nothing I could have done about it.
dropped him  7:34.
Went to a Mickee D's to pee, and get iced coffee, 
and to hang around  at a smog check place, which opened at 8:30 and I pulled in.
I watched on pins and needles
but the car passed.   
Home 8:51
MDm chili n chips
Watched TRMS - W
Bed 11:00
J went to get S, whose dr appointment was changed.
Up 17:30
Watched TRMS Thursday.
Went to the car to find notebooks.
Watched Three episodes of Fargo. 
Dinner chili-cheese-onions
Bed 22:45

May 17th, Wednesday Diary

worked 00:29 to 05:59
Finished TWW 5:10, then on to 11-16.
Car 6:13, home 7:05
Found J asleep on couch
Fed animals.
MDM   chicken n rice
Watched TRMS-Tues,  turned it off halfway through
0800 bed
Up 12:00 pee
Awake off n on through afternoon
Up 17:20
Pill  alka/s   toilet, showered n dressed, packed
Kissed J good bye
Car n rolling 18:02
At work 19:15
Another effin busy night.
Not stressy just busy....
Out  'lunch'  23:59 

May 16th Tuesday diary

During the night, J and I emailed back and forth about the possibilities and mostly, the problems, with the 'other job'.  
Mostly,  more mileage on car,  5 shifts vs 4,  hours conflicting with getting her or S to appointments, etc.
I really think I would only switch if Denny gets, and accepts, an offer elsewhere.

Watched TWW 5:5--9.
Worked 0029 to 0559
Out 610    stopped for 2 filters.
Home 7:12
fed animals..
MDM   streak n rice
Watched TRMS Monday.
Fell asleep on couch watching
Moved to bedroom
UP 1230 to pee
Up 1720
Pill  toilet   showered dressed packed
Kissed J good bye
Sat in car from 1755 to 1805 because person at other job was 'supposed to' call me back right at 1800
She didn't, I rolled at 608. 
At work  19:15
in 19:28 to 23:58  
A lot of work tonight with folks coming back from NY.  
152 rides on the day,  but it was less eventful and stressful than Monday night was.

May 15th Monday Diary

Too effin busy to do on Monday night.
Maybe will do on Tuesday night, but that looks even effin busier.

Worked  00:29 to 06:04
watched TWW 4:21   Update Diaries
Watched 4:22   
Read Sunday's paper
Watched 5:1-4
Car 6;11
Home 7:05
Fed animals.
MDM stir fry rice
Watched Veep  6:5
Bed 8:11
Up 1230
back to bed
Up 17:20  Pill, alka s Showered dressed packed
toilet
Kissed J good bye
Car 18:00
Manager at this other company I'm talking to, called 19:00 when I was 5 minutes away
Arrived 19:06  and called her back, when I could talk
...the main issue is money...  we're about $5 an hour difference. She said, she'd call me back on Tuesday
In 1935 to 2359
What a night... UP FRONTS in NYC effecting us with departures and arrivals.   Ugly.
AH well

May 14th, Sunday Diary

I opened the front door, and put a fan in front of it, to cool off the living room, then covered myself with my dressing robe.
At some point, she came out of the bedroom, passed through the kitchen and back, and gave the robe a yank to pull it off me.
And later, she came out and moved the fan from the door, for which I yelled at her to leave it alone.
Later still, she came out and closed the front door. 
Around 8, I got up and moved into the bedroom. 
She was awake, we talked a bit.  Or rather, she talked, I listened... I didn't feel like talking.

So...
WHY am I so ...on edge...so irritable ... so easily angered...?
I am feeling stressed...and depressed..or at least unhappy.
Stress...from work.  I now have a 75 minute ride to work, and close to that getting home.  We have trouble covering our work, because many affiliates are not taking our work because they simply aren't getting paid in reasonable time.   
My closest associate, Denny, has had interviews with a large company in El Segundo.  If he leaves, our Dispatch department goes sideways, fast and hard.  
I've had NO interest in sex (or masturbation) or Kink.  
I'm guessing that it was looking at porn on most of my shifts piqued my interest in those things, and I haven't (looked at porn) since... well around the time we moved, in April.   
I don't want to return to looking at porn,  but...
I don't know what to do ...to get happy (at least content) again, and in turn,  make J feel happy about our relationship.  I really don't know.

So, I slept all day....up 2 or 3 x to pee
Sons #2 and #4 came by and took J out for Mother's Day dinner.   J had to pay, since neither of them had money, but it was nice of them to take her out.
UP 16:45
Pill, alka/s, showered dressed toilet  
Packed up
Kissed Her good bye...
In car
rolling 18:07
At work 19:04
IN 19:22 to 23:59
Watched Veep 6:5.

May13th, Saturday Diary

UP 00:00 for snack: banana, chips, trail mix
Back to bed
Up 8:45
Coffee
watched TRMS Friday
Sunshine got up, fixed breakfast. For me,  warmed tortillas and butter.
Showered and dressed
Three of us out for shopping
First 99c store Signal Hill
Then Walmart...
Winco...
And Vons.
At Von's I was loading groceries.
I put a warm baked chicken in the same bag as bags of M&Ms.
Sunshine took the chicken out, thinking it would melt the candy, and carried it by itself to the car.
I got ... upset, almost furious.
By the time we got to the car, if she handed the chicken to me, I wold have thrown it across the parking lot. 
But she handed it to Rob, who put it in the trunk, as we loaded other groceries.
Home 1530 groceries up and away
Watched "Star Trek into Darkness"
Followed by "Jason Bourne."
Some 15 minutes before the end of JB, Sunshine said, Dinner is ready.
Then she sat at the computer desk, and said, "I'm halfway through and yours is still sitting there!"
I exploded, saying, "This movie is almost over, and I'll get up when I'm F*****G ready!"
She didn't say another word.
I finished the movie, got up for dinner,  steak n rice.
I continued watched "Criminal Minds"  while she grabbed some book...without a word...and went to the bedroom, half slamming the door.
I continued watching  TBBT reruns on TBS, then fell asleep on the couch.

May 12th Friday Diary

worked 00:24  06:07
Watched TWW 4:15-20
OUT 6:15
Stopped for gas,  10 gal
Home 7:13
Fed animals
MDM  beef stew
watched TRMS Thursday
fell asleep  til like 1800
Then went to bedroom...
Skipped dinner.

MAY 11TH Thursday Diary

Work  00:24 to 06:11
Watched The West wing  4:8-14
Car 6:19
Home 7:18
Fed animals
MDM chicken n rice
Watched TRMS-Wed
Slept on couch til 955
Up to bed
Up to pee 1300
Up 1730
Showered dressed toilet
Took pill, packed
Kissed J good bye
car 18:04
Work 19:18
IN 19:34 23:54
Bit of a busy, stressy night, but oh well
Start Filter 2 of 4
Started TWW 4:15

May 10th Wednesday Diary

ON 00:27 to 05:51
Watched The West Wing 3:23, then 4:1--7.
OUt 5:57 
Home  6:44   45.6
R to work   7:00  52.5
Home  7:18   59.2
Fed animals
MDM pulled pork on tortillas
Watched TRMS - Tues
Fell asleep on couch
J was not feeling well...I left her alone and slept on R's bed awhile
Got up to pee.
She heard me, and asked me to join her.
Slept in bedroom til 15:00
She asked me to get up and get R.
Up and out...
And home 16:00
She took over the car, taking R to his dr appointment.
I slept on couch 16:05 to 17:20
And up, showered dressed
Packed    took pill
Kissed J good bye
Car 18:05  
Work  19:17
ON 19:34 to 23:54
Salad from Subway for dinner. 

May 9th Tuesday Diary

worked  0025 to 0559
Watched The West Wing  3:16 --21
Went to the toilet twice.....
Car 6:10
Home 7:16
Fed animals
MDM   pulled pork + beans n chicken
Watched TRMS-Monday, and fell asleep on couch
TO bed... where J was still asleep...
  Cocooned in the sheet and comforter, so I had to snuggle in next to her to get a share.
UP twice

17:20 up
 Pill, alka/s
Toilet   showered dressed...packed
Kissed J good bye
Car 18:03
Work 19:13
in 1927 to 23:57
Subway sandwich for dinner
Watched TWW 3:22, started on 3:23

May 8th, Monday, diary

UP 02:00 pee n snack

UP 8ish
Coffee
Sunday paper
Put my laundry away.
Put up hooks on the outside balcony
Watched Veep again
Input various accounts on notebook
Snacked: refried beans with chicken, n chips,   watched  West Wing  3:12
Nap  1430 to 1715
Up:  pill, alka/s
Toilet, showered  dressed   packed
K J Good bye
Car 18:08
Work 19:08
In 19:25 --- 23:55
Watched The West Wing  3:13, 14, 15. 

May 7th, Sunday Diary

7:15  Up

Showered n dressed, as did J after me
Folded some sheets ...
Car with  J  8:52
At Spiritworks  9:45  
I checked in with GG.
We went in to attend Dr H's final service at SPW.
OUt 11:30
Called GG, arranged to meet him and MG at the Coral.
There until 13:30.
Then off to Griffith Park to drop in at a birthday party for one of J's online friends...
THERE until 14:20;  home 15:00
Both of us went for a nap: her in the bedroom, me on the couch.
She got up 18:30 or so, I got up about 19:00

dinner  pulled pork....
Watched 
   The Circus, season 2 finale
   Criminal Minds
   Scorpion   
     while cleaning out my 'important papers' file
   Veep  6:3
    Bed  23:30 

May 6th, Saturday Diary

UP a few times to pee
UP 8ish
At the desk top, working on bills
Saw that TNT was running a marathon of Star Wars,  so I jumped in, in the middle of Episode 1.

J went shopping, alone.
She returned; S and I went down to the car to bring up bags.
Groceries away.  
Dinner  pulled pork on tortillas

Went to bed at the end of episode V.

Cinco de Mayo Friday Diary

Worked 00:30 to  6:11
Watched The West Wing  3:6 -- 11
With Thing 2 here, even got a nap from 01:15 to 02:15

Out 6:18  home  7:27

Fed animals
MDM  pulled pork on buns,   and chips
Watched TRMS-Thurs
Bed 8:30 ish
UP 1100
Up 14:00
Up 16:15
Dressed ... alka seltzer
In car with J
Ch to get my payroll cash
WF  to deposit it
Vons...
ALbertsons
Home 18:30
Pill
TRMS-Fri
Dinner   chicken on soft tacos.
Bed 20:00 ish;

Star Wars Day, Thursday Diary

Worked 00:33 to 06:00
Watched The West Wing 2:19 -22, then 3:1--4
Car 611
I was on the 710 southbound went I heard on the radio about a motorcycle down on the 710 taking up lanes 2,3,4 
Home 7;23
Fed animals  
MDM Beef stir fry mixed with beef stew
Watched TRMS-Wednesday, and fell asleep on the couch
To bed 9;15
Up 1200, 14:00
Up 17:20
Took pill and alka seltzer
Showered dressed   packed ....
Kissed J good bye.
Car 18:16
Work 19:26
IN 19:46 to 00:00
Watched  TWW 3:5 

May 3rd, Wednesday Diary

Worked 00:31 to 6:03
  Started Filter 4 of 4.
Watched The West wing 2:13 --18

Car 6:09
 Stopped for a tank of gas and two e-filters.
Home 7:15
 I sent Dad an email, thanking him for the Tablet, last night...
I sent him a text this morning, doing the same thing.

Fed animals.
MDM   beef stir fry
Watched TRMS - Tues
Bed 0830

UP....

Dad called, 15:00  wondering if I got the Tablet,  oblivious to my email and text. Oh well...

Up 17:15
Pill, alka/s   Toilet
Showered, dressed, packed...
Kissed J good bye
Car 18:06
OFfice 19:19

In  19:31 to 00:30
Started on  TWW 2:19

May 2nd, Tuesday, Diary

ON  00:33  to 0600
Watched The West Wing 2:4--10

Car 6:14  home 7:18  ... 35.5 miles

Fed animals
MDM  corn dogs n chips
watched TRMS Monday
Bed 0830
up 1230, 1500, 1700
UP 17:25
pill alka/s, packed lunch
Showered dressed  Looked at mail  
Kiss J good bye
Down stairs.
Cleaned windshield
Car 1817
Work 19:32
In 1945 2359 
Set up the Tablet that Dad sent to me (arrived today)
Watched TWW 2:11, 12 

May 1, Monday diary

Up 0800
Toilet, a/s , toilet
fixed curtain rods
Checked online accounts
watched Veep 6:3, then Criminal Minds....
Then West wing  1:22 and 2:1&2  on my phone...
Nap 1300 to 17;15
Up  shower dress packed pill
K J good bye
Car 605   522.4
New office 19:12   557.7    via   710/5/101  exit CC   35.3. miles

In 19:30 to 23:58

Started on West Wing 2:3

April 30th sunday Diary

Up 0800
Pens...
coffee.
Sunday newspaper
Fargo 3:1, 3:2
TV guide
"Expendables 2"
Curtains over kitchen sink
Nap
Dinner   Black eye peas n ham,  sweet potatoes, rice
watched  Circus
Bed ... 20:00 ?

April 29th Diary

UP 0420
Car to work  4:59, with S driving
Stopped for gas,   $32.00
At work  05:40
IN 0546 to 15:50

A bloody nightmare of a day.....

HOme 17:00
Upstairs,  while J and S went shopping
Nap
Dinner  ...corn dogs..

Back to bed.

April 28th, Friday Diary

Worked  00:28 to 6:18
Watched TWW 01:14 to 01:21
OUt 620
Stopped at PO to drop letters
home 7:11
Fed animals
MDM beef stew
Watched TRMS-THurs
bed 0800
up 1230

up 17:30 pill
watched TRMS Friday
Dinner  
Watched TBBT and LiPieces

Bed 20:30

April 27th Thursday diary

Worked 00:33 to 06:08
Watched TWW 1:6-11, started 12
Out 6:16
Home 7:04
Fed animals
MD beef stew
TRMS-Wed
In bedroom, J was watching "Devil's Rejects" and I got kinda stuck watching it.
1030 sleep
Up once
up 17:30
pILL, toilet, shower, dressed, packed
Kiss J good bye
Car 18920    work 7:25
in 19:28 to 23:58
Watched TWW 1:12, 13