May 14th, Sunday Diary

I opened the front door, and put a fan in front of it, to cool off the living room, then covered myself with my dressing robe.
At some point, she came out of the bedroom, passed through the kitchen and back, and gave the robe a yank to pull it off me.
And later, she came out and moved the fan from the door, for which I yelled at her to leave it alone.
Later still, she came out and closed the front door. 
Around 8, I got up and moved into the bedroom. 
She was awake, we talked a bit.  Or rather, she talked, I listened... I didn't feel like talking.

So...
WHY am I so ...on edge...so irritable ... so easily angered...?
I am feeling stressed...and depressed..or at least unhappy.
Stress...from work.  I now have a 75 minute ride to work, and close to that getting home.  We have trouble covering our work, because many affiliates are not taking our work because they simply aren't getting paid in reasonable time.   
My closest associate, Denny, has had interviews with a large company in El Segundo.  If he leaves, our Dispatch department goes sideways, fast and hard.  
I've had NO interest in sex (or masturbation) or Kink.  
I'm guessing that it was looking at porn on most of my shifts piqued my interest in those things, and I haven't (looked at porn) since... well around the time we moved, in April.   
I don't want to return to looking at porn,  but...
I don't know what to do ...to get happy (at least content) again, and in turn,  make J feel happy about our relationship.  I really don't know.

So, I slept all day....up 2 or 3 x to pee
Sons #2 and #4 came by and took J out for Mother's Day dinner.   J had to pay, since neither of them had money, but it was nice of them to take her out.
UP 16:45
Pill, alka/s, showered dressed toilet  
Packed up
Kissed Her good bye...
In car
rolling 18:07
At work 19:04
IN 19:22 to 23:59
Watched Veep 6:5.