Punishments, a reflection

 I've had a few.

How did I react? Angry? Resentful?

Let's see.

7/6/13 Just started having sex. I said, she was getting soft on me. She showed otherwise with many implements

For me, this was BDSM, D/s. I loved/hated it. R-0, A-O

8/20/13 Now engaged, getting married in a month. FTB froze my bank account. I talked about suicide. She beat my thighs and bottom with a wooden spoon.

I deserved this.  R-0, A-O

10/21/13, 10/22/13 At a party, without her, I chatted online with another Mistress about a video as a toilet slave. Then I told her about it. She blew up. No physical punishment, but she told me no texting or chatting for awhile.

I was angry. If I didn't tell her about it, she would not have known. R-8, A-8, and I tore apart my FL profile.

11/6/13 She found an open pack of cigarettes in my car. Cold shower, golden shower, cup of tobacco tea. Sex, sleep, spanked before work.

I think I started smoking again as a response to my anger for her treatment of me for the 'Mistress' thing, but I deserved this.  R-0, A-0

12/25/13 despite her urgings, I did not call a plumber to fix clogged bathroom drain, with company coming over. Cane and paddle, dressed in panties and camisole, pigtails, put in corner. 

Not sure I deserved this. As later entries indicate, I was just getting started on a ten day bout with a flu. Still, I though of this as D/s fun, not punishment. R-0, A-0

1/17/14 packing for overnight at Grue. I got snarky during packing. 25 of ZK. 

I was PISSED about this one. I think my main issue was her being selective with punishment. I've been snarky with her oh ten times, she punished me once, this time. No consistency. R-9, A-9.

 

2/20-21-22/14 she found cigarettes in my daily carry bag. Chores, confessions, 20 min CT for a week or two, spanking bench video, including fingers in my a-hole. 

I'm not sure what set off the return to cigarettes for this one.  Punishement deserved, and it kinda felt like D/s or maybe Strict Wife play, so R-0, A-0

4/22/14 after a bad night at work I came home and was very. disrespectful  4/23 I apologized  so as punishment, jingle bells on jewels, corner time, sweep mop, hair dye. 

I deserved this; I was a jerk. I do not like 'punishment' between adults (play spankings, Funishment, role play ...sure, but not 'punishment'). But if I were to accept DD as a real, long term thing, the two primary reasons for it that I find acceptable are: stop smoking, and disrespect. So, R-0, A-0

6/21/14 embarrassed her at Vons. Home, she told me, strip, get in corner. I got in car, drove away. Returned home after ..less than an hour, stripped, stood in corner an hour, showered, and in bedroom, she beat me, long and hard. 

I twisted my right ankle, while sneaking out to my car. I was in a fair amount of pain, standing in the corner. I though this was an overreaction on her part. I did not like it. This may have been the beginning, or the end, of our Strict Wife relationship. R-8, A-9

9/17/14 I brought in an empty pack of cigarettes, and showed it to her by way of confession. She had me write an essay, tell her my methods to hide smoking, and she got to fill my first plate at GC.

No big deal here. Because I confessed?  R-0, A-O

Scanning my entries:

 There was one time, she caught me leaving the toilet seat up, and spanked me. It would take too long to go back and find the date.

Another time, she spot checked my ass and underwear, and judged it dirty. She called Merry One or Two, whatever we had been using for punishment for rule violations, but I told her, No, our contract had expired, and we have yet to sign a new one.

I wrote all this in attempt to reconcile my feelings about DD. 

On some level, I yearn for it. Specifically, having a set of rules, and penalties for breaking them.

The most important would be, disrespect. I know I am frequently surly, sarcastic, snarky, it goes on. Maybe if I was punished, and not in a Funishment way, I would learn to ... control my mouth.

On another level, nope. Nope, nope, nope. My Ego would quickly intervene. It would be like a ..volcano, starting in my gut, rising up through my throat, and at some point, she might say, "That's a rule violation" and my loud angry response would be something like, "Take your rule violation and shove it where the sun don't shine!"

The arrangement wouldn't work out for very long.

I was reading, somewhere in the month of July 2020, on the MCJ, that cagedlion noted that, back in the day, men who signed up, agreed to the covenants of the DWC, put it in writing, or somesuch, that they could NOT withdraw consent.

I call bullshit.