June 29th Friday Diary

In 0027
 Talked to M,  0300
out 6:15

Home 7:11
MDM  chicken n brown rice
Bedroom  reading     sleep 845?

up 9:45
then 1215
then 1515
UP with alarm 1725
shower dress pack   Kissed M goodbye
Downstairs, cleaned windshield
Rolling 1804
Sun in my eyes, missed CC offramp, got off at Woodmn, came back east on Moorpark ...stopped at A for liq pods...
Office 1910  

In 1936 ....
 M off to LF munch with E, around 1900 
Merry called  2355  having been home from the munch for a while
clocked out  23:48 



          .................. ZOOM!    oooopsss  

June 28th Thursday

Out 00:01
In 00:01 
OUt 00:27 
In 00:57 

SO quiet.  Summer vacations?   4th of July non-business? Whatever.
Denny text me  that Avik had called out for tonight.
So effing slow  he won't be missed.
Spoke to M, 0330  ... Still in bed awake.
Worked on  "The Genie of Fantasy   Maggie and Jim" blog entries.

OUT 621
Hung up talking to Sam  again   car 644
home 800
Fed animals
MDM   sloppy joe mix on tortillas  and fritos
bed 845

up 1200 toilet
talking to M
trying to sleep
finally 1530  and up 1730
showered dressed.
Merry was out with E ...
Car 1820
Much traffic 101
office 1939
in 1947
  Merry checked in 2230
  Denny text me, saying Avik was out for Friday, could I cover?
  reluctant yes.
Out 00:00 

 ............................... who the heck is that?  BOOM!

handy reference list of my blogs on Blogger

A DIARY OF CONSENSUAL SPANKING
  Lynn frequently spanks Jay. Its always consensual; they both enjoy it.
  a diary of consensual spanking

A SPANKED MALE 
 captioned pix and gifs of males (young and old) getting spanked
A Spanked Male

HE WHO MASTURBATES GET PUNISHED
 Captioned pix and gifs of males, young and old, spanked and punished for masturbating
 He who masturbates gets punished

MEN Naked and Spanked
 Pix and gifs, often captioned, including some of my own, of males who have stripped naked for a spanking
 Included in this blog is a separate daily feature, "The butt burning bath brush"
 nakedandspanked.blogspot.com

Men Shamed Humiliated Embarrassed
  Twice a day entries; 
   the first one is for "Humiliation Ideas"
   the second is either "Shame Him" "Embarrass Him" or "Shame Me"
  MEN shamed embarrassed humlliated

Mommy spanks Me
 Pix (or art) and gifs, often captioned , of "Mom" spanking "son" 
 Mommy spanks me

My Life as a Spanked Husband
  Pix and gifs of my spankings ... or  my red rump afterwards
  and a Second daily feature:  Naked and Spanked OTK ... which is just that, Guys who are  N&S-OTK.
  My Life as a Spanked Husband

Red Rumps on Display 
  Pix and Gifs, some captioned, with guys and gals showing their well-spanked bottoms
 Red Rumps on Display

Tales of a Strict Wife and Spanked Husband
Daily entries for "Jill" and "DJ" ... a departure from 'consensual spankings' in that DJ was required to sign an FLR-DD agreement before the wedding.  While it was not legally binding, DJ feels he needs to uphold his end of the agreement, even if it means being spanked by Jill, whenever at her discretion.
  Captioned pix and gifs.
  Tales of a strict wife and spanked hubby

The Genie of Fantasy
  My various and sundry wishful thinkings, all brought to temporary life by a Genie who grants Fantasy wishes.
   The Genie of Fantasy

The Male Chastity Magazine
  Pix and gifs, many captioned of guys 'locked up' by their wives/girl friends. 
  Why 'magazine' in the title?  At one time, I thought I was going to print it out in a magazine form.
  The male chastity magazine

Others to mention, without giving a description or link:

For the Love of trannies and She males

Let's Talk about your Penis

Lookin' at Yur-Anus

Men Young and Not so Young

Underwear for Guys

Reflections of Strict Wives Who Spank Their Husbands
  Memes of women talking about spanking, but no action pix.

June 27th Wednesday

in 00:03
Merry called in  0100  
out 549
Home 648
Fed A
MDM   chicken n coleslaw
Bed ..
up several times
up 1530
  showered dressed...
 Merry showered n dressed
car 1610 to Dr B's
1625, shown in immediately
Not much to report,  BP okay, weight down 3 lbs....
New appointment with blood panel in 2 months
out 16:40
GAS  n  liqpods   then 99c store
Home 1730
reading...
huge BM 
dressed,  Kissed M good bye
car 18:20
101 fkd up due to TA  at Vermont, #1 lane closed.
Once passed THAT,   traffic jammed for Hollywood Bowl traffic ...then clear sailing
Office 2001
In 2009
REALLY quiet

Out 00:01

what might be considering interesting reading ...
on  "The Genie of Fantasy"
 look for the first three parts of "Maggie and Jim" that will publish at 0600, 0900 and 1200 on 6/28  ,,, a lot of my truth, there.

                               
                                     UP UP and AWAAAAAAYYYY

June 26th Tuesday

Out 0018
Morning relief over slept, was quite late getting in.
Out 6:57
Home 8:16
Fed animals
Dinner   Steak n coleslaw
Bed 8;50

1100 up for cookies
1500 awake
1600 awake
17:30 up
17:30  Merry out to a dinner munch
showered dressed packed
car 1815  office  1931
In 1952
 really slow at work
out 2335

Monday 6/25

Up 330, 630
730 dressed, Stitch made coffee, poured a big cup
Car with Stitch to Firestone to investigate "low tire pressure" , third time in three months
In 815-830
... Only tire not recently replaced has a nail
... Needs other work
Had Stitch apply for Firestone account, approved, woo hoo.
Getting new tire, oil change, air filter (11:37)

Leaving 1253 
Home  1310
snack  Yogurt + p3

Down for a nap 1430
utterly sleepless
Up 1730
SHowered dressed pack  
Kissed sleeping M good bye
car 1804
Office 1912
In 1918

Merry called at 2100, asking about keeping Babyman with us, this week or next...

Quiet night 

Out  23:50 

Sunday 6/24

Up 2:30, 5:30, 8:30
Fed A
Reading
Breakfast by Merry: scrambled eggs, linguisa, sour dough toast
Watched "Code Black"
........       ..."Instinct"
Merry out to LF, 13:00
Watched "The Dark Knight"
..   ............"The Empire Strikes Back"
........... ..,..."The Return of the Jedi"
Dinner, pastrami cheese on tortillas, coleslaw, potato chips
Asleep on couch 2300
Merry home with Stitch and Babyman, 23:30
Waited for her to put clean sheets on bed
Bed 0000

Saturday 6/23

Up 230 630
930 fed A read
Showered dressed
Car with Merry
Arco for liq-pods
$.99 store, Vons, Baskin Robbins
Gas at UnitedOil
Home 1400
Sandwich by Merry: roast beef, chicken, cheese, mustard on long bread
Nap 14:30 to 1930
Watched a "Lucifer"
Dinner  steak, baked potato
Watched another "Lucifer"
Bed 23:00

FRIDAY 6/22

Up many times to pee
Snack PB on GC
Up 10:00
Texas toast melted cheese
Reading

Merry n Stitch to Lake Forest at 1900
After they found the ignition key, which came off the key assemble and found it's way into the trunk of the car under Stitch's suitcase.
Dinner SlopJo on buns
Watched "London has Fallen"
Then "Olympus has Fallen"
Merry : home 00:00
And to bed.

Thur June 21

Otc 0001-0025
And 0050 0636
Work Late because S wanted to go back home and fetch something.
Home 8:04
Eat yogurt and P3
Tried to sleep, would not happen
Up 12:30, dressed
Car with M 1320 to ENT
Much paperwork then in exam chair 1420
Excavation began, first on right ear then on left ear at which time I passed out, fainted, lost consciousness, seized twice.
BP dropped to 85/55 I think.
Doc had me stay in chair until my vitals stabilized.
Merry called D to say, I was NOT coming in to work tonight.
Able to get up, get in car, get home, made it upstairs 16:00
Contacts out and to bed.
1915 up snack PB on GC
Up 2200 dinner. slopJo on buns
Back on bed

June 20th Wednesday Diary

out 0011
in 0602

Home 704
Fed animals
MDM  Taco Bell box bought by Denny night before
Bed 0830
Up at noon  for a chocolate chip cookie bought by E then a quick and rapid BM on the toilet
back to bed
Awake 1600 for a minute
Then slept til 1815 when M woke me up.
I had turned off my daily alarm the day before when I got up a few minutes early...and forgot to re activate it for today.
Showered dress  kissed goodbye
Car  then to Arco for 2 liq pods
Rolling 1858  arrived 2005
In 2011 to  (0025)

Merry called  after midnight (0030) but wanted to mention it here...
She said she was caught up on my TGOF entries and then asked, "Do you want to spank me?"
I pointed out, that I really couldn't right now.
She might have thought that was funny, but she said, "I meant... later, or soon, or sometime..if you want to, just say so..."
I said, "can't really think about it right now."
But I have thought about it, with misgivings.
The problems ...the few times I have spanked her, which I can prolly count using all my fingers ... 
She tops from the bottom. 
She either stops it, and says, "That's enough."
Or she says, "No not there, down THERE."
Look, I really am a bottom. I so much prefer to be the spanking recipient.
I started out as thinking I wanted to be the spankER of a female bottom. 
That changed dramatically, but I still have the occasional fantasy of giving a spanking.
And I do enjoy the occasional viewing of a MF spanking clip.
But, if I'm gonna give a spanking, I want it to be UNconditional, other than with what is discussed beforehand.
 It's done when I'm done.  I wanna spank all over the bottom not just HERE and HERE.  
Well, I can accept setting limits with pre-negotiations, such as, "You can use THAT or THAT, but no more than  (pick a number).  
Or "Use your hand, stop at 50."  
But, no running the show while the scene is in progress.

June 19th Tuesday Diary

in 0022
out 0605
home 708

after talking with M,
all I ate was yogurt with p-3 mixed in.

crappy day.
Crappy conversations
Merry wrote an email to me while she was laying right next to me.
Did nothing to improve my mood.
Awake most of the day, constantly getting up to go pee.
Finally to sleep maybe 1330

Up 1700  showered n dressed as Merry came home from a lunch meeting.
Packed..
Kissed good bye
Car 1809  work 1918
In 1926  to  2343

June 18th Monday Diary

UP 00:00 and 0230 and 0500
and 8:00
  coffee and reading, watching tv and the Fourth Estate.

Breakfast   Grill cheese on texas toast, with pickles

Nap 1300 to  1735

UP showered dressed  packed
Merry was going to bed as I was getting up
Kissed her goodbye
Car...cleaned windshield
To Arco for liq pods
Departed 1828
Office 1921
In 1935
 Merry called 2300 or so, asking about AA batteries...
Called me back to say she was disappointed with her new toy... whatever the heck it is.
Out 23:58 

                             "Yikes, what is that!"

June 17th Sunday Diary

bed 0030

Up 230, 500 and
830   coffee, going through mail..and stup

Breakfast 11:30   texas toast n melted cheese

bed 1130 to 1615

Merry was sleeping next to me, 
we had planned to leave early for dinner because it is Father's Day, oh well
UP and dressed

THree of us in car 1730
to Golden Corral  arrived 18:00 with a line going around the building
but it moved pretty fast
Departed at 1930 , and judging by the parking lot, this would have been a better time to arrive
Home 20:00
and to bed

June 16th Saturday Diary

Up 0230
and 0430
and 745   
Showered dressed contacts In
Talking to Sunshine, who go up around 700 and went shopping
Yogurt with almonds, ham, cheese
coffee
and talking to Merry
OUt with Rob 915,  dropped him at 945 at his son's place
made an urgent run to a restroom at Rite Aid
standing at Daiso at 958 , saw the store doesn't open til 10;00
Inside at 10:02
  grabbed a couple things and out
Rolling at 1012
Office at 1101
In 1108 -- 1608
1635 to 2132

home 2236

Dinner   broiled steak, baked potato coleslaw

Sleeping on couch until .....

June 15 Friday diary

00:20 checked my deposit, transferred $ to Household
and bed
up 330 
up 800 
Fed animals...
contacts out
Reading awhile
Then showered dressed and out shopping with M
99c
    Stepped off a curb wrong, fell on my knees then palms of my hands into asphalt...while Merry had already arrived at the car...
  then
Walmart
Winco 
Von's
and home
brought up groceries, with a lot of Merry's help, left cases of soda in car, for Rob to get later

later
Merry  out to LF munch, left 19:00
Dinner   pork chops, baked potato, Coleslaw
then nap in bedroom
UP 2300 to wait for Merry in living room
who arrived home 00:00 ish
and to bed.

June 14 Thursday

in 0022

Well lets see
00:30   No show at LAX , ride booked 24 hours too early
00:30 some nervous nelly called to driver information on 4 rides in the morning in San Diego
0100 a where's-my-car in London, and at the same time, a hotel change in chicago for 545
Kinda quiet, except for 10 jobs happened/happening from 00:00 to 0230
Merry called, just woke up 3:45, when I get a call from a guy in a car out of Boston, who gets migraines from any kind of scents/odors in car, and this car had an order, and he wanted a driver or car switch, and the local provider didn't answer the phone...
out 05:39
stopped for gas and  liqui-pods at Arco
Home 702
Fed animals.
Reading
Dinner   pinto beans n ham
Bed  and sleep

up 1900 in living room
dozing then   
watched Code Black
Watched  4th Estate
dinner   baked beans n franks
dozing on couch until midnight

June 13th Wednesday Diary

In 0026
Talked to M, 0300, and she text me at 0430
out 600
Home 7:00
Fed animals
Merry got up to pee, we said hello
MDM baked chicken n rice
Bed 0930
UP 1300 then 1700
UP 1725
Showered dressed  pill

Kissed her good bye as she was getting ready to be picked up to go to a dinner
Downstairs..her ride showed up, I was going to call her, realized my phone was upstairs...fetched it...
Cleaned windshield
Rolling 1806  at office 1922
In 1930
A fun filled night,   what with 10 rides from 00:00 to 02:30
An irate client at 23;10, looking for her car that was booked for tomorrow.... quoted 30 minutes, and she was UNhappy, and said, oh forget it.
Merry text "home ..." at 2215
and called to say good night at 2300
out 23:56 

                               I admit it.

June 12 tuesday diary

in 0025
Talked to Merry from 0230 to 0300, again at 0500 re a sudden 'bump on her head"
out 0559
Home 0658
Fed animals
Checked on Merry, inspected her head but no sign of trauma....fetched her a bag of frozen vegs to use as an icepack
Dinner  pot roast and chips
Read some
Bed  0930
up 1045 1300 1530awake for good
Took pills  
showered dressed...
tried on new SimplyStyled briefs from Sears

Did some reading
Kissed her goodbye while she was on the phone with E.
Down to car, washed off windshield
rolling 1800, office 1918
In 1924 to 0000.
E3 convention downtown, keeping us a lil busy, but not overly, thankful that Microsoft did not book for ALL their executives like they have in past years.
                               "Hey, where do you keep the can opener?"

june 11th Monday Diary

0700  texts began, starting with one from building manager, asking that the car in driveway be moved so painters could use driveway for their ladders.
I text #2 AND Merry, who finally reached #2, who said he would get car moved.
I told Merry, she needed to come home so we could talk.
She said, she wasn't planning to come home until LB came home from Dr, so maybe 2 ish.
I told her to get her priorities straight, what's more important, doing whatever with LB, or coming home to talk to me?

She arrived home like 9:30

I was upset about her separate life.
I would not deny her. But I did not like it, and I was prepared to say, "THAT life or me, pick one or the other."
I compromised with, "Don't tell me what happens there. (Unless I ask, and I don't think I will).  Don't tell me about parties. Don't show me the notes you exchange. Don't expect me to read your daily diaries on Fet. I JUST don't want to know about it. Don't expect me to go to parties with you. (I meant, but did not say, specifically those OC parties)."
She suggested a change in a House Rule, that it might/would be okay to sleep NAKED, that is, no bottom coverage necessary. We'll see how that goes.
Back to trying to sleep.
E came over, in response to a dire message that Merry sent her, but she didn't respond when Merry tried to call her and say, "not necessary."
So they sat in living room, talking, awhile.
Merry came in for a nap, herself.

Alarm 1705, up 1725
Toilet, shower dress toilet (one of many times) ..
Got a text from #2 son that had me pissed off all over again.
Merry wanted to compose an apology text on my phone, supposedly from me. I said, I am NOT apologizing.  You can apologize for me, if you want to, from your phone, just don't show it to me, and I'll try to forget about it.
Kissed good bye.  Toilet again.
To car 1820.
To Arco, for liquidpods for e-cig.
To office. As I pulled in, I realized I had left the next bag with my flash drives and e-cig chargers on the coffee table. CRAP
(1935)
Clocked in, asked Denny if it was okay if I returned home to grab my forgotten item, he said okay.
Toilet again, and on the way home.
Arrived 2030, chatted a minute, took Alka S, made instant coffee, Toilet again (not the runs, this has all been solid poop, it would seem my bowels chose this afternoon/evening to do a full-on purge), kissed goodbye, headed back to office ...arrived 2135.
Toilet!  and started 'working', such as there was to do.

Out 00:00

June 10th SUnday diary

Up many times to pee, get something to drink, maybe a snack,

Otherwise stayed in bedroom.

13:00: Merry called, asked about staying another night.
  "Sure."

1900 up for dinner   warmed tortillas n cheese   ]
 watching TBBT reruns...

THen back into bedroom.

Starting to feel ... annoyed... about this weekend situation ...

Saturday June 9th Diary

up 0215 445 715 
930 for Alka...

M and S out shopping 1100

Showered n dressed (undies n socks n shirt)
Looked at Tube and FL groups
M and S home to unload groceries, 
M packed and out to LF.

Watched 5 eps of Suits

Sat at computer, to update videos and pix to flash drive

Nap in bedroom  1930 to 2100
UP for dinner 
   Fried chicken, mojos, coleslaw
watched TBBT reruns
Bedroom 2300  trying to sleep 

Friday June 8th Diary

In 0005
Talked to M  0300
Out 608
home 718
Fed animals
Said hello to M, who was in bed with an upset stomach, so no offer made
MDM  pinto beans n ham, and rice
Bed 0830
up 1530  then
1900 
Merry out 1930 to LF
Watched 
  Elementary
  Code Black
  Instinct
 dinner   Taquitos
  (broke another glass jar of salsa, opening the fridge door; Stitch broke one about a week ago)

Merry  home 0000
and bed
                            "What is that?" "Any idea?"

June 7th THursday Diary

In 0016
Talked to M  0400
Out 6:13
Home 7:13
Fed animals.
Went to pee, Merry joined me waiting for the toilet.
She invited me to join her over her lap.
I did. She had the medium church paddle...
and applied about 60 swats to each of my buttocks, then 20 to the middle.
Then   talking   about banking, bills, plans...
UP to eat,   fried chicken and last of the chili
Back to bed   reading   til 0930
Awake 1045
awake 1445
Awake and up 16:45
Merry was out shopping
Showered and dressed in underwear
Merry home 1705
Suggested a spanking, told me to fetch something.
I got the rigid leather strap.
We went into Stitch's room, to find the dog and cat on the bed.
So we asked Stitch to go in there, and close the door, we went to the dining room.
I bent over, hands on a chair.
And was having a tad of a dizzy spell
After 15 swats, she asked how many times I've tried to jack off this week.
I didn't have a number in my head.  
And I was annoyed...as it sounded like she wanted to turn this into a 'punishment' spanking which was not negotiated prior.
AND I was dizzy, so after a very few more, she stopped and told me to sit down until my head cleared.

Dressed and packed and kissed her goodbye
To car, cleaned windshield  (sticky purple flowers!"
Rolling 1821, arrived 1927.
In 1935
Thing 1 had left at 1800, Fran had left a couple minutes before I arrived...just Ivik and myself.
First had to sort the rest of the night, make sure its covered, then did set up for Friday pm.
Then ... coasting, 
Merry called  2300 to say HEYOU DID sent a list, as she asked him to, prior to the end of Thursday's deadline.
Out 23:38
                             Kitty flavored pop tart, anybody?

June 6 Wednesday Diary

In 0026
 spoke to M 0300
out 0611
Home 718
Fed animals
Eat pot roast n chips
bed 830
up  ?
up 1500 for ice cream
awake 1705
Talking and pills
and asked M to refill my ATOM rx 
   but I had torn off the original rx label with the rx number, and I had waited til I had one or two left  both of which kinda ticked her off so ... she suggested a spanking before I showered.
I accepted.  She grabbed the zkp out of the bag and we went into Stitch's room and closed the door...
and she applied a bit over 100 swats with it to my bared bottom.
Pix in our room
then showered dressed packed...kissed goodbye
Downstairs, cleaned the windshield again (PURPLE BLOSSOMS!)
and rolled out 1820     office 1923
In 1933 
Quite night with Denny
He showed me a buncha pix he took at his son's HS graduation
Out 2348 

Tuesday June 5 Diary

In 00:25
OUT 05:30
OFF to go get Stitch, take him to work.
BUT  as I made transition from 5 to 710,  three right lanes closed due to overturned truck.
Very slow go
AND the "low tire pressure" light came on, which is annoying when I don't know what's going on.
Home 06:45 
Looked at tires, seemed okay.  Had to pee urgently, used my portable urinal.
Stitch to work 701
Looked for an air machine on the way back... stopped at a Chevron, but the machine was non-op.
Had to pee too badly to look for other places.
Home 7:25
Upstairs. PEED, fed Donna
Opened the bedroom door; almost hit Merry with the door, who had just gotten up to pee.
Offer made by her for a spanking, and accepted.
I fetched the square pizza paddle.
In Stitch's room with door closed, 20 swats applied.
She said she was keeping it short, with hopes of giving another in the afternoon.
She went back to bed.
I had MDM   chili n cheese n chips.
Bedroom... reading n talking... Sleep 0930  with alarm set for 15:30
Up a couple times... painters banging on the roof and against the wall did not help.
Up with alarm 15:30
Toilet, shower dress  ...
Text to Merry, who was picking up Stitch, "ready"
She called on arrival.
In car 1605
Off to vote.
The address of the school for our voting place was on one street, the actual auditorium was on the back street, so we had to walk all the way through, and ask directions like three times.
Merry finished quickly.
I had to jump through a hoop with forms because I was technically registered to vote by mail, but I got it done.
And Stitch took forever.
Merry went to move the car from over there to over here.
She waited in the car, I waited outside the door..
He finally came out.
I said, "Let's go to the Arco for air for the tire..." and got quite impatient with the route she took, which meant left turns in traffic.
And the Arco was too damn crowded to get to the air machine. 
So we rolled on to a 76.
And couldn't see an air machine as she rolled through the station at 50 mph.
So we went to our familiar Chevron.
Stitch asked the attendant to activate the air....
I pumped air in all four tires, and it was after the fourth tire that the idiot light went out.
Home 17:30.
Merry suggested S (by email) and I had a real good reason to decline, just too effing tired, and wanted a wee nap before leaving before work.
Woke up on the couch 18:20 
Went into the bedroom, where she was, grabbed the lollipop brush, handed it to her, dropped my pants and briefs, and climbed over hre outstretched legs.
She applied a quick 50 or 60 swats.
I got up, pulled up my pants, thanked her and kissed her good bye, and departed.
Car 1836
Good time to work 19:32
In 19:38
Working with Thing 1, as Denny was attending his son's HS graduation.
Had to do pm set up for the next day...which really makes sense, and I would insist to Denny to let me do pm set up each night, but he gets it done, and I'm kinda lazy.
Breezy night.
Thing 1 : out at 22:00 (instead of 23:30) as he returns for a shift at 09:30.
Quiet enough
Out 23:58
                                 GOTCHA!

June 4 Monday Diary

After midnight:
AFter some talking, she said, "I want to spank you."
I nodded, we went to the living room; I bent over the kitchen table, and she administered some 60 whacks of the Delrin carpet beater to my bottom--some slow and deliberate, some groups of RATTATTATTAT.
She took a pic (and posted on Fet) (and emailed it to me).
Returned to bedroom.
I went to sleep, while she continued working on a story she was composing for/on Fet.

Up a few times,  and
Up 1630
Got some laundry out of dryer and put it away
Showered dressed took pills, put in new contact lenses.
Talked a bit with Sunshine...  she suggested I 'get the sticks' and I said, "No, for now, only from Merry, I want to process what I'm thinking if I should say 'no'."
Not much later, she came out and pulled the bath brush out of the implement bag.
It was Merry, and I had to correct her a couple times on the phrasing.
NOT
   "time for a spanking"
   "get up and bend over"
   BUT  rather a declaration of desire on her part, such as "I want to spank you..."
AND we went to Stitch's room, where we could close the door  and keep the annoying dog out, and I bent over the bed and she delivered more than 50 whacks of the brush to my naked bottom... then we went into our bedroom for better light, and she took five pix, two of which I posted on Fet.
Then, toilet, and dressed, and kissed her goodbye and out to car.
No car charger, thought I left it at office maybe, so I asked Merry to toss one down from the patio.
Rolling out, stopped at Arco to clean the windshield (purple sticky blossoms) and get pods for my e-cig (cheapest price I've found yet) and rolling 1832
Arrived in good time  1919
and In 19:26.
Quiet night.
Out 23:59


                            "WHAT is going on, out there?"

Special Journal Late June 3, early June 4

Pillow talk, in bed, after sex that didn't include intercourse.

I suggested she take a poll of 100 men who couldn't 'get it up' for sex, and how they felt about themselves.
Less of a man?  maybe
A failure?   Probably
A let-down to one's partner?  Yep.
She told me, and has told me before to 'not worry about it', but you know words don't help.
As of late, and this has been going on for QUITE a while, my penis doesn't rising until/unless my mind is filled with visions - fantasies of but not limited to
  butt sex, receiving, from dick or dildo
   butt sex, delivering
  real spankings  in  
      a   Mommy-son scene 
      a   Strict wife - spanked hubby scene
       a   While being watched by others 
  Mixed sex with a TG,  whether sucking, fucking, or being fucked

We talked about her budding relationship with HY.  Many of her diary entries on Fet as of late are on exploration of her feelings relating to him, and her being the masochist/bottom.  She is having trouble referring to herself as a 'bottom' (just like I despise being referred to as 'slave', but for me, much moreso).   Dunno what the problem is for her.  If she quacks like a duck...  or acts like a bottom ...
Whatever, just a word, a label.  

Meanwhile, she asked me if I 'wanted' her to ... lustfully express her desire for sex while she's playing with him.
I said, that would probably be a turn-on for me, were I there to witness or hear it, but in my absence, just do whatever feel's good or right to you at the time.

Cuckolding: I told her I have a fantasy or two ...
  One, written on TGOF, where I walk in the house to see a back view of some guy mounted and fucking her doggy style... and I quietly grab a minute of video, then equally quietly leave the house, then call ahead to announce myself. (and later using the video to my advantage...)
  Another, not yet written, where she is telling me how good and hard some guy was fucking her, while she strokes my cock with a finger in my ass...  
 Fantasies, though. Hypotheticals.  Hypothetically, seems like a turn on for me.  Should it happen in the Real?  I just can't see how I'd feel.

We used to have a BDSM relationship, she said. Now it's H&W-vanilla. (husband and wife, in case you'd couldn't figure it out.)
What happened?  
Who is to say.
I know (for now... my feelings seem to change as often as the day of the week) that I don't want to be a slave/submissive/subhub.
Just ... a bottom. I admit to being the masochist in our relationship.
Well, masochist for spankings.  Not talking about nipple-pinching or CBT ... I just like having my bottom spanked.  
(and anal play. Been too long since I had a foreign object in my ass. She tried at a party, a while ago.  Different story.) 
Anyway, I enjoy being spanked. I desire it, I crave it, I write about it.  
   One blog on Yahoo, two on Tumbler, one on Flicker, and on blogger, topics like  "He who Masturbates gets Spanked", "Men Naked and Spanked", "Men Shamed Humiliated Embarrassed", "Red Rumps on Display".
The problem is  Real Life.
Our life together started with her spanking me. OUr first date was at a party,  five years and three days ago, with me on a bench, and her whacking my bottom with a paddle.
Since then we've gone through ups, with spankings administered twice a day, for quite a while.
And we created a slew (55+)of videos that we've put on our clips4sale site.
But lately? Now?
IT's been a LONG time. 
The last time?
I haveta research this blog. Don't go anywhere.

April 17th, it seems.

In the meantime, I have desired it, to the point of masturbating almost every single morning home from work with fantasies of spanking in my head.

But there was a time she remembers well, when I said, in certain terms, "DO not ask me about spanking. Do not suggest it. Do not say it. Wait for me to ask." 

And in that time, I have not ... asked.
I've thought about it, on the way home from work.
Then changed my mind as I walked in the door.

Why?
If I clearly crave the spankings so much, why do I decline, refuse, or not take advantage of any opportunities?

THAT is the question. Whether tis nobler to suffer in the mind, or to say 'fuck that' and get Real.

What is going through my head, and my heart, when I say or think "No" ? 

Merry suggested, 'shame'? 
   Maybe some of that.  On some level, I might be 'ashamed' that I enjoy this.  Yeah, sometimes, I feel that, other times I let go of it, thinking, 'the heart wants what the heart wants'.
   Fear?   Definitely some of that.  Merry can be (is...) a sadist, well, with me, 'cause she knows I can take a hard beating. (sometimes, when I'm um in shape).
But Merry likes to hit me in places I'm not overly fond of being hit  (sit spot, lower thighs, front of thighs) and well sometimes I just feel scared about ... taking a spanking from her... unless, maybe we can negotiate in advance to stick to the rump.
  
And there's this.
   In our RL H&W relationship, I'm passed or over  wanting or allowing her to ORDER me to prep for/accept a spanking.  
It's fine in a scene, or for a video, or maybe at dungeon parties where I'll play the part as her sub,  but as h&w, and as adults, spanking play is, should be, consensual.  just like  sex, or deciding what to watch, a give and take discussion  (Hey, you wanna ...)
I want to keep this as something she likes to give and I like to receive.
Which led to this discussion:
  Don't tell me  "It's time for a spanking" or "Get ready for a spanking" or "strip for a spanking".  Don't use a command statement. My reaction is very likely to be, a gesture with my right hand with middle finger straight out, other fingers folded down. 

Put it in a form declaring what you want.
"I want to spank you."
That's not a command. That's not an order. It's just a statement of what you want.  
I want this form of statement, to help me process my own feelings.
IF I were to say, "No thanks" Maybe I can learn to document my feelings and learn just what is holding me back.
IE to think about, "Why did I say no?"
IF it came as a command "Get ready for a spanking"  I could blame my "no" as coming from my Ego.
But with this statement "I want to spank you", maybe I can listen to myself, and hear my inner reason why for saying no.
Am I ashamed?  (if so, why?)
 Am I scared?  (If so,  maybe pre-negotiations would help?
I cannot think of any other not-really-good reasons to say No, and maybe, this kind of phrasing will assist in me coming to terms with myself
  OR  I will learn to say OKAY and you know, wind up getting what I really really want.

A stinging, achy, butt.

Like I'm sitting on right now,  thanks to sixty or so with a bath brush, administered just before I left for work, tonight.