26 April, Tuesday Diary

(at work)
 started with The Newsroom 1:3.
My one-a.m.-associate had called out, sick, for his shift, so I was alone for the night.
Continued with 1:4 ...skipped 5 somehow... 
1:6, 7, 8, 9.
Merry called to say "good night" ...at five a.m. 
6:50 in car, heading home
7:44 home.
Inside...
Woke up Merry with a 'hello', at her request
Fed cats n Dog.
MDM :  chicken n rice n peanut butter on toast.
In BR1 ... no TRMS from last night, so watched Scorpion instead.
09:00 Sleep

13:00 or so up to pee.
Back to sleep...until Merry woke me to say, she was heading out.
Tried to go back to sleep,  unsuccessful.
16:45 up.
 Went through my refill box, looking for functional Parker cartridges.
Merry had started on replaced the flusher handle on the toilet that She had purchased... twice...  She chased me away, because she was nervous with an audience, and within a few minutes, asked me to just ...take over and get it done, which I did.
Emptied the dishwasher,  cleaned some dishes, and put em in the dishwasher, then went about spraying the ant colony that had moved into the kitchen sink area.
Showered...dressed... Pill..... 
In car with Merry, 18:24
Had a chat... the beginning of a longer one, I'm sure... about trading places in a D/s relationship.
19:10 at work, 19:15 in.
Not much of a night, but tricky to sort out, as was the morning, and the pm set up.
Then I wrote a Journal entry, as opposed to one of my daily "Did this, did that" Diary entries.

"Whizzer" #2

So instead of internalizing my 'fantasies', maybe I should write about them:
  I LOVE this scenario:

Journal Tuesday 27 April

My diary entries have...for the most part...been a log of what I've been doing, on a day to day basis,  consisting lately of  "I did this, I did that; I went here, I went there; I watched this and then that; I ate this and then that."
I did not record much in the way of how I feel about all that, or anything else. 
So, it's been pretty much a record of 'just the facts'. 

THIS will be different, regarding:

STRESSORS in my life:

 First one is about money, the lack thereof.
  Stitch and I, combined, don't bring home enough $ to cover our house payment and the monthly bills.  We're constantly behind  on something, except in those months when we get a different cash infusion of some kind.
 Recently we acquired a credit card that we used to buy groceries and pay some bills, which gave us a chance to catch up in March and April. I worry about how we'll get through coming months.
 Medical bills...we have plenty.  I signed up for the cheapest insurance, at work, and ....after three trips to an emergency room, two by Merry, one by me, at the end of last year, we owe hospitals, we owe for tests, we owe, we owe, we owe.
 Merry has an outstanding debt to the SSA, for money they paid to her after we got married, and now they want back.   We haven't had any communication from them in a while, but I gotta think, it's only a matter of time.
 I owe the IRS a pile of money. I was on an installment plan, then they got butt-hurt when I didn't actual pay the piddling amount I owed when I filed in 2014 and they cancelled the installment plan, demanding total payment in full.  I ignored that demand, and I live in terror of getting a garnishment notice on my paycheck, or having them snap up my bank account, like the FTB did, a few years ago.

Then there's Bullfrog.
We rented to him a room in the back of our garage, for an agreed upon rate of $300 a month.  That was in September, I think... 
Seven months later, I don't think we've gotten a total of $300 from him yet.  When he did pay us anything, it was $50 at a time.  And that was when he had free usage of my car, as his own, because my ankle was healing, and I wasn't doing any driving.  Then I demanded my car back, and we haven't seen another nickel since.
I get aggravated when I see him around the house.  I get aggravated more to hear Merry talk about him asking, and her sometimes complying with,  driving him someplace or other.
I REALLY want to get a restraining order against him and then call the police on him for trespassing, next time he shows up at the house.   I probably won't do any of that, anytime soon, but I really want to do it.

The house:
  So, Stitch and Merry (..I was sick...) cleared out the garage to make room for #2's 'other car',  the one he is supposed to fix up and get running, but in the meantime, the C of LB ordered us to get it out of sight, or they would cite us.  
  In clearing out the garage, they filled what used to be our spare bedroom with MANY boxes, and moved some furniture into the backyard, and some into the living room.  Our house is beginning to look like one big storage unit.
 So we have #1 using one back room in the garage PLUS a quarter of the back of the garage, and we have #2's car using up half the garage, and I mean,  WTF? 

The yard:
  Merry wants to just dig up the grass in our front yard so we don't have any that we'd have to cut or water.
  She intended to help.
  Two weeks ago, she spent 45 minutes in the front yard, before she had had enough.
  This project is not going to happen unless we hire someone to do it.

Then there's what's going on inside my head.
First off, I'm depressed.  I take a med for it, but ... I know I am depressed.   
Not so long ago, Merry and I had a fun BDSM--DD relationship.  We had fun.  We made videos.  It got me out of my head.
Lately, and mostly since my accident, late October,
    "fun" sessions have been few and far between, and certainly not for lack of effort on Merry's part.  It's all been me, saying "no ... no ... no".  
  Parties that we considered going to,  I found reasons not to go to. I'd see a party...two weeks ahead, and think, that looks fun. Come the day of... nope.   
  Sex ... has been infrequent.  Last time, a couple weeks ago?  I could look up the exact date, but ...whatever.    There's been a lack of ... drive, interest, on my part.
 So... WTF is wrong wit' me?
 I really don't have a good way of knowing for sure, but I can speculate, I suppose:
    I've internally rebelled against being a 'submissive'.  It doesn't work for me.  I feel like, or I think, I know better about 'things' on day to day decisions.  I apply logic to most of my decisions.  I don't like being told what to do when I think I know better. 
 Does this make me a 'Dominant'?  Not necessarily. Maybe, it makes me someone who wants to be in a '50 50' relationship, where things are equal, and discussed rationally.
   But then there are my fantasies, the ones still bouncing around in my head.   On the rare (emphasis on 'rare') times I've masturbated during a drought of actual sex (all my doing, I am quite aware; Merry would be more than willing and ecstatically happy were I to say, I'm in the mood...),  there are fantasies in my head.  And such fantasies always (I did not say almost always but always) consist of some scenario featuring me, as a spankee, as the recipient of an F/m spanking.  This should suggest to the most casual of readers that this scenario is something that I want, that I crave.  (Some might say, need,  but that's a hot-button word for me.  I don't need to be spanked, but by gosh n damn, I want to be.)
   And for 2 1/2 years, it's what I was getting, from Merry.  And enjoying it.  Even when it hurt so damn much.   
  WTF happened?
   I retreated ... to that place I was, in my head, some years ago... where I was embarrassed to admit to another living soul, my desire for, my love of, getting spanked.  
  Merry is completely, utterly, aware of it, but I'm still ... embarrassed by it.
  Moreover, from my internal rebellion comes this feeling that ... if I'm not a 'true' submissive, then I should not be spanked.
  I don't know how to reconcile my feelings on this.
  My fantasy is to get real spankings ...  the kind a naughty boy would get from his mother, perhaps.
  The reality ... has been so much different.
  I really feel like...I'm taking steps backward, internalizing my feelings...  converting my dark desires into fantasy, with no physical outlet.  
Which is a reason why, previous relationships I had, with first wife, then following girlfriend, dissolved.   I gave my fantasies no outlet, and I had virtually no interest with ...well, for lack of better, vanilla sex.  
  Solutions ... are in short supply.
   This is, I hope, a place from whence to start a conversation. 

25 April, Monday Diary

at work:
Finished The Newsroom 3:3, on to 3:4,  3:5, 3:6.
Got some kinda nap from 1 to 2.
6:45 Out.......... toilet, then
6:51 in car
7:34 home.
Woke up Merry to say "hello" as requested, then 
Feed Donna and some cats...
MDM:   one piece of pork, one of chicken, and rice, and warmed tortillas...then  most of a bag of g-f chocolate/chocolate chip cookies while watching "Scorpion" from last Monday.
9:00 sleep
13:15 up to pee
16:00 kind of awake
17:15 alarm
17:30 Up.  Merry still sleeping
Alka/s
Toilet  
Shower dressed.
   Merry  up
Ready...back to toilet.
Merry checked to make sure #2 wasn't going to need a ride home from CoH..then told me to go 'head, and drive myself.
18:29 in car.
Pit stop for gas, Chevron  DA/LBB to use 'Vons Club points', got gas at 2.70 a gallon.
710 north was clear...
Got jammed up on the 101
At work 19:40
A bit of work to sort out for the night, and next day.
KW was back after missing Sunday's shift...but was out of the office  (getting a cigarette, going to the store to get cigarettes, talking with a chauffeur, in the bathroom) more than he was IN the office.
My "one a.m. assistant" called out, sick, for his shift.



We haven't been doing so well at working our disagreements, recently.
Wonder if it's due to a lack of THIS:

I crack up looking at this shoplifter making his get away:

"Whizzer"  #1

24 April, Sunday Diary

01:00 up to pee.... get some milk n cookies.
04:00 up to pee
09:30 UP   fed the cats.
In my chair.
Watched The Newsroom 2:7 .... coffee n toast.
Contact lens IN.
Ate an apple
Watched 2.8  while reading Sunday's paper
Merry up, around 11:00
Started on 2:9.
Merry asked for a 'conversation'.
We went into BR1 and talked.
It was a good talk.
I realize 99% of the responsibility of making things REALLY work between us belongs to me.   
I realize so many of the problems we have are MY problems, in my head.   
I just have to WANT to fix them.   

Finished watching 2:9.
Toilet... showered...dressed.... fixed my 'drink' ... toilet...
Kissed Her, good bye...
Car, alone 14:43
Office  15:33.
My usual associate KW had called out, sick, so supervisorDB was working in his place.
About 90 rides for today, 90 for tomorrow so far.  Really slow.
Set up for tomorrow took... not much time.
Big drama: a company that was booked to do Two all-day 50-passenger bus rides for us, starting at 7:15 in the morning, called at 6 pm to say, they were NOT going to do 'em because our company owes their company too much money.

That was ... dramatic...
But we ..,mostly DB... got it resolved within an hour.

Snacked ... on carrots, then an apple.
Watched The Newsroom  3:1, 3:2,  Started on 3:3  

23 April, Saturday Diary

02:00 up to pee... get some milk and cookies.... Merry was still up, at her desktop...but coming to bed, she said.
07:30 UP   fed the cats...sat in my chair... watched The Newsroom 1: 7, 8, 9.   
Had a bit of a bowel explosion.   Waited too long to get up and go, and when I did, Stitch was using it.... 
11:30 Dressed.  Got the car keys and debit card from Merry, said I was going to Walmart to get the frames on my newer glasses fixed.

The frames I had, cost $19. The identical replacement frames cost $9, and took about 15 minutes to get 'em switched out.
Did a little other shopping, and got an iced coffee from the in-store MickeyD's and went home.....   an hour, door to door.
In chair...
Watched The Newsroom 1:10, 2:1 2:2.  
Put laundry in wash.
Had a bit of a blow up with Merry, who had gone into the bathroom, and yelled at me to come in, because the toilet seat was 'covered in poop'.
 She has a penchant towards exaggeration, and I loudly told her so.
I took a nap from 4 - 6.
Stitch had gone out and put my laundry in the dryer, and I just had to bring it in.
Took pill, and Alka/s.
She called Stitch on his phone to ask him to ask me, what I wanted for dinner, and I told him, and he relayed the message.
I watched 2:3, and 2:4.
Sunshine came out,   discussed with Stitch having pizza, and discussed with me, the bills to pay. 
I assembled dinner:  pastrami on muffins, with onions n mustard; opened a can of baked beans... and p chips.
I ate, sitting in my chair, and watched 2:5 and 2:6.
22:00  to bed.   

22 April Friday Diary

01:30 up to pee.
05:00 up to pee
7:45 up ...toilet...fed animals...
Coffee ...in chair...
checking in accounts  ....
watched The Newsroom 1:  3, 4, 5
Snack   bean chips
nap in chair
ALka /s
TOilet
Watched 1:6
UP showered and dressed
IN car with Sunshine, 16:30  me driving
99C store
Chase 
Walmart
Winco   Merry emerged
I was yawning so hard, I thought my jaw would crack
Merry took over driving
to Vons.
I stayed in car.
She came out with a basket
I got out of the car to help bag it.
She didn't like the way I was bagging it, I got pissed and silently got back in the car.
Home   19:30 groceries in and away
I went to BR1 to watch TRMS 
She started dinner.
AT 20;11 she came in and said, "#2 son just called, he's running a high fever, I need to get him to CoH fast...   dinner is in the oven, ready in half an hour."
ANd she was gone.
TRMS ended right at the mark.
I got up ... and had  a plate of pork chops baby carrots and potato strings.
And watched "Guardians of the Galaxy" from last Sunday.
ANd to sleep;, 2130.

21 April Thursday Diary

01:45 up to pee, get a snack.
04:00 up again
7:45up ...toilet    fed dog... did some dishes... made a cup of instant coffee...took a check out to leave for the pool guy,  unlocked the gate for him...  
In my chair
Read New York Times from last Sunday, and today's LA TImes
watched The Newsroom  3:1 2 3 4 5 6
popcorn, snack
Nap in BR1  15:30 TO 20:00
Dinner...chicken on toast, and chips
watched TRMS for tonight...
sleep  22:00


Our kitchen ...one pit bull...

20 April, Wednesday Diary

Watched The Newsroom  2: 3,4, 5, 6
Napped from 1 to 2.
The Newsroom  2:  7,8,9.
8:14 out\
8:15 walking
8:23 on platform
8:27 on board, rolling
8:43 off the train at 7th 
8:45 the door to the Blue line closed as I almost boarded...had to wait
8:51 on board the next train
8:52 rolling
9:29 Off at DA
Called Lyft
9:47 home
Feed cats...
MDM   chicken wraps  (in tortillas) and chips
Watched TRMS from Tuesday
Moved to BR1  ...1045 to sleep
18:45  UP to BR1
watched the current TRMS
20 to 2100 nap
Watched Criminal Minds, Criminal Minds Beyond Borders
Dinner   taquitos n rice.
2300 sleep


more Calvin & hobbes

19 April, Tuesday Diary

AT WORK:
 Slow enough..
 And grateful to have a 2nd here
 Managed to get in a nap from 2 to 3,
 And
 watched  The Newsroom  1: 5,6,7,8, 9, and 3/4 of 10.
  Merry called to say, "Good night" -- 04:00.
6:20 out
6:21 walking to station
6:30 on platform,   $4 left on TAP card
6:37 on board and rolling
6:53 At 7th St.
Some delay here but
7:11 on board the Blue
7:12 Rolling
7:51 Arrived DA,   called for a Lyft on my phone-app, just before pulling into the station.
7:57 In Lyft car
8:05 home.
Opened bedroom door:  Merry was awake.  She said she slept 2 hours, woke up at 7.
Fed cats and Dawg.
Prepped MDM  ... stir fry, made last night, over rice, and warmed up tortillas.
In BR1, watched TRMS from Monday
09:22 to sleep
13:30  Awake and hot..moved to BR2
14:00 Merry came in, and asked how long...  "Since about 1:30..."
Sleep off and on.
I didn't think I slept much, but I was told that Donna had gotten off the bed and on the bed several times, and I did not notice; I thought she was with me there the whole time.
And Merry said she stuck her head in a couple times, and my eyes were usually closed.
Anyway, I was sleep n groggy when I got upright at 17:40.
Took pill... alka/s.   Fed cats....  
Showered...dressed.... packed up.
Headed out   with Merry to car.
She had parked   a  few yards west of where she usually parks, on the street in front of the house, because of other cars in her favored spot,  which was relevant, because I noticed, in the grass, somewhat shortened from when I whipped it a few days prior, the penlight, that I was given as a gift the previous Christmas, and I was aware I did not have in my possession for the last month and maybe more.  I'd really given up on it, but there it was, on the ground in the grass.
I put my travel cup, full of RedBull and ice and MtnDew, on top of the car, while putting my three bags (just like the 3 Bears :  small, medium,large) in the back seat, along with my hoodie,  whereupon my travel cup full off the car... the lid popped off, and because it landed on the curb,  the handle broke.
So I got my flashlight back, and lost the use of this travel cup.
She went in with me, and I filled a different travel mug with RB n MDew.
Back in car  18:22
19:09 at work.
Merry is very much NOT fond of using public restrooms unknown to her, but she had to 'go', and I convinced her that the 2nd restroom at my office was generally clean and nice-spelling (if not, so much, the 1st restroom).
She took me at my word, and walked off to check it out, and locked the car, taking the key with her, so I had to wait for her to get back, to get my bags out of the car, and go on into the office.
Not much shaking at work...  numbers for both days (today and tomorrow), around 130 ...which means, lots of farming.  
I had to do very little of it, personally,   but I can see there's gonna be a bunch of farming to to do on Wednesday. I don't plan to volunteer to stick around and help with it.

Meanwhile, finished The Newsroom 1:10, then 2:1 and 2;2.



One lucky cat.....

18 April, Monday Diary

at work:
Just to make my night interesting... not that I put in a special request for it, or anything:
 We sent out a vehicle to Palm Desert to pick up the company owner's son, who was attending the Coachella Festival.
Driver was heading back with the passengers ...starting about 01:00 and the vehicle was sideswiped by a swerving vehicle on I-10, outside of SBerdoo, around 02:00.   
 Well  ... he exchanged  pertinent info, and made it back to drop off his two passengers at home, then came into base.  
Meanwhile, watched The Newsroom  1:1, 2, 3, 4. 

6:20 Out
6:21 Walking to station...
      Saw Trump's start on the WoF on the way to the station
6:30 On platform   (balance  5.75 on my Tap card)
6:37 On board and rolling
6:53 off at 7th
6:55 On board the Blue
6:57 Rolling out
7:31 Arrived DA
 7:34  Called for Lyft on my phone app
7:43 Lyft arrived
7:50 Home.
Fed the animals.
Checked on Merry.  Based on her last text to me, she had gotten to sleep MAYBE a couple hours ago, so I left her alone
MDM  Heated up a can of chili  (well, I took it out of the can, and into a bowl first) plus raw onions... and chips, while reading Sunday's  USA Today
9:00 Getting into bed.
Merry woke up long enough to ask me, "How long you been home?"
"About an hour"
"Okay...."

11:30 Up ..to pee
15:00 Awake ..as it was seriously warming up in the bedroom
Asleep and awake, every 15 minutes.
 17:15  She came in to grab clothes and purse, saw my eyes open, and told me she was off to rescue Bullfrog, who had a flat on his bike.    Don't get me started how I feel about HIM and how I think he has taken advantage of us.
17:45 Up .... alka/s .... pill...
 In the shower, with a window that kinda looks outside, and realized the pool guy was supposed to come by today/this morning, after missing last Thursday, and 'we' forgot to unlock the back gate for him.
Ah well.
Merry returned home as I was drying and dressing.
I mentioned to her, forgetting the pool guy, and she gasped, and she called him, and left a message, apologizing (for not unlocking the back gate so he could get in).
In car, two of us, 18:20
Pool guy called back while we were rolling.
 She suggested, IF it happens in the future that the gate is locked, just call her phone: someone will be home to go unlock it. 
At work 19:08, in 19:10
It was KW's first day back to work after missing 5 work days due to the tragic death of his mother, and Merry went into the office to speak to him for a few minutes.

I settled in to work.
Not at all a busy night, but not a molasses-slow one, either.
SupervisorDB dropped by around 23:00 just to catch up on Dispatch payroll.  



Now that I'm taking the train home on a regular basis, this seems relevant.

17 April, Sunday, Diary

They came home, 1 or 2... I wasn't looking at the clock so much.
Around 03:30, Merry was in bed next to me, and crying.
Took me a while to sort out 'why', and I'm still not exactly sure, other than her, saying that she apparently is not 100% ready for 'show time'.
7:30 up   fed the cats
Helping Stitch in the kitchen clean up an ant invasion.
Sat down with coffee n toast and the Sunday paper.
In LR, watched The Newsroom  3:3 and 3:4
Put my Contacts IN
Went out, and put UP the grapevine which had fallen down.
Came inside, Merry was awake n up.
She went into the kitchen and SCREAMED (at Stitch) about the ant invasion.)
WE went to work, pulling stuff out of the panty,  in order to clean and powder it.
She left the room, and returned, in a bit, to apologize for her outburst.
She and I went to BR1 and talked a bit about what happened toher, the previous night.
I showered n dressed n packed.
14:33 two of us in car.
  As we exited on SMB,  Sunshine came out and said,  "I'm mad at you for not going with Merry to the party."
...Couldn't be helped.
We stopped at 7-11 for e-cig filters.
15:30 at work
15:33 IN
A quiet Sunday night, so I was able to concentrate on Monday.
104 rides for Monday   with  56 at 11:30 or before... which means, I'm responsible for tagging or covering those....  with 9 morning drivers to work with.   I wound up 'farming' 31 of those.   
Done, by 19:30....   
Caught up on  Diary input,  Watched The Newsroom 3:5 on my phone, which I just found out Friday that I could do, followed by 3:6.   It IS a tiny screen, but since I know most of the scenes and dialogue by rote,  screen size doesn't really matter to me... while watched The Newsroom, anyway.




It's BEHIND ME, isn't it!?

16 April, Saturday Diary

01:00 up for peanut butter n choc chip cookies n milk
08:00 awake...fed the cats..
  Gave Merry some oral pleasure
  coffee...read mail...
Watched  The Newsroom 2:7, 8, 9,  then 3:1  
 Nap
Watched 3:2
Nap
Dinner   beef stew .... 1900
I was supposed to...
  I really planned to
    I really wanted to...
    Go to the party at the BoD with Merry this night...in a couple hours.
But  honest to Gawd...
  I feel like I felt some  or many months ago...when I was told I had  or might have a duodenal ulcer....   no obvious bleeding... just constant pain, that lets up shortly after I eat,  starts up again as whatever is digested.   
Just ...constant.
  I got up long enough to ask Stitch to go in my place and he agreed.
Back to sleep.

I don't know if Merry came in to say 'goodbye'. I do remember the bed room door closing,  which I later opened just to let Donna come in and join me.


A rare occurrence, indeed!

15 April, Friday Diary

02:00  up  for chocolate n peanut butter.
8:00 up  for coffee
Watched a two hour block of 'Elementary';
then 'Criminal Minds'
then 'Scorpion'
Then 'Criminal Minds Beyond Borders'
then 'Gotham'
then a nap
up to watch TRMS for Friday
  snacked on bean chips
Nap
Watched 'Guardians of the Galaxy', and 'Archer'
Dinner:  pork  n rice n chips.
Watched "The Newsroom 2:6"
22:00 sleep.


because I love Calvin & Hobbes

14 April, Thursday Diary

00:30  Up to pee, and snack on g-f choc chip cookies.
06:00 awake...fed cats...started coffee
  Drank coffee with toast, read the days paper.
Dressed.
In car with her  to Home Depot, and 99c store, and home.
Changed to yard work clothes.
Started 'whipping' the front yard... while Merry and Stitch worked on ripped on the overgrowth, and getting the gravevines off the ground.

INside. exhausted.
When I was able to get up, 
Showered and dressed.
IN chair, watched The Newsroom 2:5 
1700-2100 nap
Dinner...meatloaf n onions n bbq sauce, plus chips...
Watched TRMS from tonight
2200 or so, sleep.


I AM THE DARKNESSSS!
I AM THE NIGHT!!!

13 April Wednesday Diary

at work:
Watched The Newsroom  1:7, 8, 9, 10, then 2:1, 2, 3, 4
Started e-cig filter #2 (of the 2 in the pack)
7:45 called Merry to get up and feed Donna Dawg-lass.
8:25 out
8:30 in car
9:15 home, which is really good time during peak time on a week day morning.
Fed the cats.... 
MDM   Meatloaf.. on tortillas  ... a banana... bean chips.
Watched TRMS from Tuesday.
10:30 sleep.

18:00 awakened by her to take my daily pill
Back to sleep
21:30 up for dinner.... beef stew and chips.
Watched TRMS from tonight.
Took my contact lenses out
23:00 sleep.


I got 99 problems....

12 April, Tuesday Diary

at work:
Quiet.
Watched The Newsroom  1:2,3,4,5,6
Gave Merry a requested 05:30 wake up call.
She was getting up to take #2 to an check up at CoH.
6:23 out
6:24 walking to HH station
6:32 on platform waiting
6:37  code 3 (on board) and code 4 (rolling)
6:53 code 5 (arrived at 7th street)
6:55 code 3 on the Blue train
6:58 code 4 to DA
7:35 Code 5 at DA
 ...summoned a Lyft on my phone-app.
7:55 Home
Fed 3 cats, and one big dog.
MDM  Meatloaf n rice n a banana n t-chips.
Started to watch TRMS but RM was off, so a guest host, so I moved on to Archer, first ep of the season.
9:09 to sleep
14:00 up to pee
15:00  Merry was in bed with me, and she received a flurry of phone calls that woke both of us up
17:45 Up
  Pill...alka/s ... shower...dressed...packed...
  Sunshine was 'out' and she told me a secret...
  18:33 car, just me
   Freeway ok
Hollywood traffic snarled,  due to "Captain America" premiere on  H. Blvd
 19:32 at work
19:34 In.
Working with Supervisor DB again;  KW is due back upcoming Monday.
Far from a busy night, but some late rides   like 00:45 and 01:00 which were causing me fits as I tried to figure out how to cover 'em...

11 April Monday Diary

at work:
Snacking:   apple, carrots,   g-f pretzels.
Watched  The Newsroom  3: 4, 5, 6  then 1:1
Quiet as a cemetery.
My associate got locked into a reservation call that took about 30 minutes,  so God bless 'im for being here to take the call.

6:26 Out
6:27 in car
7:07 Home.
Fed a cat.
Cleaning up the kitchen after Donna knocked over the trash can.
Fed Donna.
Put my laundry away.... (that Merry had put in the wash and Stitch in the dryer in the preceding days)...
MDM   meatloaf, made last night... rice,  p- and t-chips, banana.
Watched "The Circus...
8:15 sleep.
15:00 up ... pee...    chocolate squares and milk.
Back to bed....
17:45 up...
Pill...alka/s ...  showered...dressed.... toilet...
Merry drove ... without Stitch as a ridealong, because She wanted to 'talk' to just me. 
We had a good talk.
She suggested a way to get around the problems I've been having in going along with certain activities that both have us have enjoyed together, at least until recently, when my head starting saying 'no' to it. We shall see.
18:35 in car.
  Stopped for gas
19:22 at work, 19:24 in.
My usually associate, KW was out...will be out... a few days,   due to a tragic death in his family.
SupervisorDB worked in his place.
Really quiet at work.  
We talked quite a bit, as our paths don't cross very often.
Meanwhile, his wife was at LBMem'l ER because she had gone to pick up her mother to take her to some appointment, and just ... collapsed.  
So DB was frequently in communications with people there (his brother, his daughter,  etc...) until he left at 23:30.

10 April, Sunday, Diary

at work:
Merry called to say 'good night' during a break in the action around 01:30.
Then 'it' started up again  01:45...then calmed down again..... long enough for me to catch up on diary entries.
And, watched The NewsRoom  3:2, 3:3
06:00 Out
06:05 in car
06:34 home
Fed the cats...
MDM:   Beef stew (out of a can), a bag of pork rinds, followed by choc chip cookies, while reading the Sunday paper.
7:45 in bed
11:00 awakened by noise that Bullfrog had decided to come over and make in the back yard.  
Trying to go back to sleep,   fitfully
17:45  up  
Alka/s  'pill'  Toilet...
Showered  dressed
Sunshine asked if I could manage to drive myself...  (yes)
Packed n ready and out
18:36 in car
19:18 at work   
19:22 'in'
Really quiet at work  finishing with 92 for today and starting with 98 for tomorrow..
Was going through tomorrow's notes when I looked up at 20:30, and realized I had two rides for 2130 or so, tagged on drivers that had zero chance of getting to them.
A bit of a scramble working my partner ensued...
Got em covered...took a breath....
Whew!



"Why don't you drop by?"

10 April Morning musings

During quiet time at work...

I browse spanking-tube and xHamster and tumbr.
I look at all manner of depictions of F/m spanking.
I find myself ...just wishing.
It reminds me of my life a few years ago...before I met Merry ...  when all I could do was wish.
Ever since my accident, last late October, and her accident two weeks later... we've gotten away, far away, from Funishments.
We've engaged in a few.... very minor....very quick 'sessions', but nothing to get aroused about.
I know I've been cranky and snappy to Her.  
I've told Her, "...we just can't seem to communicate..."
But maybe ...  it's a question of just what I'm trying to communicate.
Is it really, the shopping list ... or the bill list, that I'm talking about ... or is it, what's going on, deep inside?

I feel like ... that I've mentally, emotionally, retreated to the place I was oh 3 1/2 or 4 years ago, when I simply would or could not admit to another person that I enjoy the idea, the process, the procedure, of having my bare bottom spanked.
Once I decided, oh fukkit, and admitted it, the flood gates opened, and I found myself getting spanked by strangers on first meetings.  

Now, I'm finding myself  ashamed to admit to my own wife that ... I want Her to spank me.   
Even though that whole scene was how our relationship started.
She offers, I decline ...many more times than I've accepted.
We tentatively plan to go to some dungeon-party or other, then the day of, find some reason to not go.

I really don't know what the heck is wrong with me.

09 April Saturday Diary

00:30 up to pee, and wide awake....
 Watched   'Frankenhooker'
  Watched  "Knuckleball"
 Watched The Newsroom 2:9 and 3:1
05:45 going to sleep.

11:00 wakened by Merry, asking the whereabouts of my black tie..... as she and Stitch were getting ready for the funeral of Stitch's ex-wife's mother.

Back to sleep, fitfully

17:30 UP   toilet...showered  dressed.
Sunshine asked if I could drive myself, as she was feeling poorly...   sure I could
'pill'   alka/s,  packed    kissed her goodbye
Car 18:31
Stopped for e cig filters,  7-11 on SMB
office 19:13
in 19;15

in time for the MTV Movie awards.

Errgh.

08 April, Friday Diary

00:30  up  pee   n  chocolate
02:24  up    pee
06:00  up  pee      peanut butter n chocolate
09:30 awake...coffee...fed cats...  in bed playing phone games....
  Up    consulting with Merry on bills etc...
  resulting in the first of many misunderstandings throughout the day.
  Dressed, both of us
14:30 in car   to
  Walmart  
   Winco
   99C
 Dollar tree
 Chase
 WF and Vons
 17:15 home,  groceries in and away

In BR, watched The Newsroom  2:8
Nap ...1830 to 1945
Dinner ...   baked chicken from Vons, and baked french fries
Watched TRMS
2100  sleep.





How many times has this happened to me.....

07 April, THursday, Diary

UP 00:30  pee and snack
Up 01:30 pee and snack
UP 08:00 fed animals.
 Unlocked back gate...
Put some mail OUT
Newspaper in
Made coffee
INto the bedroom..
watching TV
DAMIEN  eps 1:1, 2, on DVR then 3 and 4 on a table, then # 5 on DVR.
Ate an apple

Watched movie  Trainwreck
Watched TRMS for today...and fell asleep
Nap  19:30 to 2115
Dinner... 4 open faced muffin n ham sandwiches with t chips...
Watched TBBT
2200 Sleep

Finale: #13 of 13

06 April, Wednesday Diary

at work:
 Watched The Newsroom 1:10, then  2:1, 2, 3.
6:25 out
6:26 walking to HH station
6:34 on platform
6:37 on board, and rolling
6:53 off at 7th st
6:55 on board the Blue 
6:57 Rolling out
7:31  arrived DA
  called Lyft for a ride home
7:55 home
Fed animals...
MDM  pot roast, t-chips, ice cream
and watched TRMS from last night.
and WIDE awake. Eyes would not stay closed.
Moved to the living room...
back to the bedroom... 
THen the living room
Watched TNR 2:6, 2:7 
Read a NYT and WSJ ...until 13:00
Back into BR1 where it was 85 degrees
Tried BR2,  but the bed seemed too hard.
In living room chair, napping...
17:45 up  took pill
moved to BR1      watched TRMS
And Comic Book Men
Ate dinner at the table.... gluten-free pizza, and a banana...
In BR1, watched the two eps of Criminal Minds Beyond Borders...and managed to go to sleep  2300.



#12 of 13

Merry's only excuse is  "just because..."

05 April, Tuesday, Diary

01:30 Merry called to say "good night"
  I reminder her that I expected to leave the office 530-ish... be on a train 0545, and get in 6:45
Slow night...
Watched The Newsroom 1: 6, 7, 8, 9  while snacking on  baby carrots and g-f pretzels.

5:25 Out
5:28 walking to HH
5:35 on platform
5:43 on board the Red,  and moving
5:58 In at 7th street transfer station
6:02 on board the Blue
6:09 Moving
6:10 at Pico, where I usually call Merry with my eta.
 ...her phone went straight to voicemail.
As it did  the next several times I called.
6:45 arrived DA station, tried calling her one more time..still direct to voice mail.
I ordered a Lyft car... which arrived in less than 10 minutes.
Home, shortly after 7.
ANd walked in the bedroom; Sunshine woke up after I opened the door.
"How'd you get home?"
"Lyft."
She looked at her phone...charger plugged in but it was off.
She had no idea, other than to guess, it had shut itself off for lack of juice just as she plugged in the charger.
Oh well. No harm. I was home.
Fed animals.
MDM   chickn n rice soup, t-chips, muffin...
While watched TRMS from Monday.
8:15 sleeping

1245 pm, up to pee.
Awake again 3-ish..and then waking up, sleeping,waking up.....
18:00 up    Pill.. Alka S,  fed  Crackpot-cat, who was following me everywhere.... toilet...showered...dressed...packed...
Car with Merry 18:30
At work 19:15... great time on a Tuesday.

Not a lot going on for the night or next morning.  
The American Idol finale is Thursday, I'll be glad to not be here.



#11 of 13

My wish for my coming days off:

04 April, Monday Diary

Got caught up watching the 1975 version of "Taking of Pelham 1 2 3"  until 03:00

SLeeping all day.    I think I got up to pee before dawn, before Stitch got up, but not again at all.
Meahwhile   #1 had dropped by for a 'visit' ...
And Merry had gone to CoH to pick up #2 and take him home, as he was finally being released.

18:00 Up ... Pill... AlkaS... shower...dress.... packed up...
18:41 car with Sunshine  driving.  Left  Stitch home to guard the place since #1 was still hanging around in back.
19:24 at work, 1927 in.

KInda busy, both night and for the next day.


#10 of 13

03 April, Sunday Diary

Still sick, still sleeping  ....

Merry announced, they had made room  in the garage.
I managed to get up, and go outside.
I got behind the wheel of #2s car. Merry, behind the wheel of her car, Stitch in the garage spotting.
We got it in.
I went back to bed.
Watched "Guardians of the Galaxy".
"Comic Book Men"
"Scorpion"
Lunch
Read the day's paper
watched "The Circus"
"Law and order SVU"
"Criminal Minds"
"Criminal Minds Beyond Borders"
"Gotham"
"The Big Bang Theory"
Dinner
watched "Life in Pieces"
"Agents of Shield"
......   00:45

#9 in the series

Look at em jiggle!

02 April Saturday Diary

Still in bed, sleeping when I could.

Merry and Stitch were hard at work clearing the garage, or moving stuff, so that 'we' could get #2's car (not the one he drives when he can, but he acquired from an uncle with intent to fix up.)
It's been in our driveway for months, and we got notice from City of LB about a fine for having junk in the driveway too long. So the plan was to clear space in the garage, and push it inside.
The plan was also for me to help clearing the garage.
That wasn't happening,  I got dizzy when I stood up.

While laying in bed, I watched on a table, TNR 1: 2,3,4,5.


# 8 in the series

I love TGS F/m spanking art, especially the colorized ones:

01 April Friday Diary

Woke up, sick as ...  well, really sick.  Flu like symptoms..
Headache, chills and hot flashes.  nausea, diarrhea.
ALl the good stuff.
SuperDB called around 0900, asking if I wanted to work the 13:30 shift.
I weakly declined.
ANd stayed in bed, like ALL day, getting up to only to get to the toilet.

Meanwhile, Stitch took the day off work.
Merry took him to get a haircut.
Then out to visit his grand child, born last month.
Then they went to visit #2 at CoH.

I kept on sleeping  or trying to.


#7 in the series

MORE quality time:

31 March, Thursday Diary

02:00 up to pee,   and get ice cream

7:15 up to pee

9:00 cuddling in bed.

She suggested, "Over my lap?"
I complied, and clambered over Her lap...she applied...I don't know how many ..swats of the medium church paddle to my bare bottom.
I thanked Her, orally.
UP...made coffee,  unlocked the gate.
In living room, read a newspaper.
12:30 we got out of our chairs...dressed   and out...
99c store,  Walmart,
Home, unloaded, put stuff away.
Read Thursday's paper
To BR1
watched "Elementary: "Lucifer"
UP, and started dinner, me helping as I could...
In chair...updating TV Guide
Easter Thursday dinner was served...baked ham, cheezy potatoes, broccoli.
21:30  bed


#6 in the series:

and here's a good way to work out those 'issues'

30 March, Wednesday Diary

at work
Watched TNR  3:6 and 1:1
My associate did not come in at 01:00
I heard that he was summoned back to NY, but I thought I'd get a message from the opsmangr that he wouldn't be in.  I got no message, but I heard it through the grapevine.
So ... instead of more videos, I amused myself on Fet, tumbler, and spankingchat.
Merry called at 04:00 ...just woke up, going back to sleep.
Had an interesting chat with a cyber-friend who lives in LV.  I've chatted with him for a couple years trying to get him to come down our way for a 'visit'.
In my associate's absence, I had two non dispatch calls to handle, before the morning res-agent came in. 

7:35 out
7;39 in car
8:30 home
Fed all animals
MDM   ham n cheese on muffin, peanut butter on tast, carrots, banana... watched TRMS ...
9:45 sleep
18:00 up  shower dressed... 
18:59 in car with Merry headed to BP for "5th Wed"
 ...  bbq bacon burger on g-f bun...
21:15 home
21:45 bed

#5 in the series

An entertaining way to spend some quality time together, no?