The recent forum on Dan's blog really has me ... thinking... almost like in a funk.
I really want to write something there, but not sure if I should.
If I do, it would be an expose of our ... lifestyle.'
The whole raison d'etre for that blog is a discussion of FLR-DD as punishment or discipline, in a very CNC way.
In those discussions, the woman metes out punishment for, usually, very real reasons, and no argument is allowed. The couples have entered some prior agreement that states, to some degree or other, if She deems a spanking is warranted, then he MUST submit to it.
Our relationship has never been like that ... exactly.
We've had our agreements, our contracts ... and the suggestion within the agreements HAVE been that if she calls for a spanking, I must submit.
But in my heart, I knew it was not like that, at all. I knew that I could say .. No.
I also do not believe in spanking as a Punishment or Discipline.
Mostly because, it would not work on me as such. I enjoy it too much. Maybe not DURING, as I'm groaning, gritting my teeth, clenching my fists, clenching my cheeks, but I do so enjoy preliminaries leading up the action, as very short in duration as such usually are, and I enjoy the afterburn, or looking at marks on my bottom. So, overall, I enjoy receiving it, as much, I think, as Merry enjoys applying it.
I don't believe in spanking as a punishment. I don't believe in punishment for adults.. within a couple.. at least where no one has committed a crime.
Merry and I practice spanking as FUNishment. For her pleasure and mine.
There have been times... MANY times, lately, where I've said, No, I don't feel like it.
And, I haven't. Stress, depression, IBS distress...whatever... I just have not 'felt' like it, and I've said so, and she has respected that.
I do not think I can put myself in a position where I can NOT say 'No'. I'm just too self-willed.
Nor do I think I do anything that merits actual 'punishment'.
I think I'm a damned good husband.
I quit smoking.
I don't stop at the bar for a few drinks before coming home from work.
I do the work at home that needs to be done, not because she tells me to do it, but because I know it needs to be done.
I believe, my worst habit... perhaps, maybe, my only bad habit, which effects my relationship with Merry, is my smack-ass mouth. I have a know-it-all attitude, very possibly because I DO know it all. ahem
So, yeah, I've got a smart-ass mouth in my interactions with many people, Merry high on the list.
IF she really doesn't like it, she should
In my opinion
do something about it every time.
I'm thinking about a recent time when I was smart-assy on a written exchange on FL, and she 'suggested' I get out the bath brush and church paddle. It 'seemed' like it was all in 'fun'. But I felt it. And I mentally acknowledged that I ... sort of ... kind of... deserved it.
So...
Consistency is a key.
I would enjoy that (consistency), and I think it would 'help'.
I am obsessed with the fantasy of a strict woman having me get naked and putting me over her knee and spanking my bottom until I'm in tears...
but I just don't 'see' it happening.
I have yet to cry during any kind of spanking; I don't know that I've come close.
Well, I remember a time, long ago, in a hotel room in Chicago, but how long ago was that?
Either Merry had a meaner streak back then, or she's gone soft on me, but it does seem to me, what few spankings she's given me in the last few months have been rather... short, in duration.
When I'm at work ... with more time on my hands than right now, this second, which is a monster morning for us... when I'm not watching TNR, I'm obsessing over some version of F/m spanking. Or I'm doing both: watching and obsessing.
On the drive home, I may be listening to KNX but not much, as I'm still ... fantasizing.
Then I get home, and I wake her up and she goes back to sleep, and I eat my daily meal, and maybe watch some tv, then go to sleep, while fantasizing some more.
This whole thing has been some version of diarrhea.
I'm just emptying my guts in written form.
Eye opener
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